"Don't speak something against someone whom My heart is toward."
"Let no unwholesome talk come out of your mouth... Only what is for building up."
"If you're gonna talk about them, let it be something that will be for their good. Not something that will damage them, or their character, or their status in someone else's eyes."
"The fact that you could muster up a negative thought or a word toward somebody else is evidence that your heart toward them is different than Mine."
"If you truly want My heart, truly wish to see with My eyes, it will cost you everything within yourself that isn't Me."
-- Sincerely,
Jesus
This hit me hard. Over the smallest thing. And nobody else was even around to hear or to experience what was going on with my heart. It was something I said in jest, not meant to hurt or offend. But the Lord brought the pain. He pretty much peered through all the layers right to my heart and said, "That doesn't sound like Me." I was crushed. And immediately brought to repentance, and restoration. And the whole time, all I could think was how thankful I was for such laser-focused conviction, however painful and humbling the encounter might've been. It illustrates the Father's working in my heart. That He's not yet satisfied with the extent that He can see Himself in me. And He's not willing to relent from the process of maturing & transforming me until every part of my life accurately represents and reflects Him.
Conviction is painful. It can be humiliating. But even in the midst, there is a presence of joy. Of hope. The proof is His presence.
Thursday, April 14, 2016
Friday, April 8, 2016
God As a Dad
For whatever reason, the Lord has lately been showing me examples of Him as Father. It's as though He's invited me over to His house to peer into His day to day family adventures. Just a couple examples so far...
It's a lot like going to a kid's birthday party at a wealthy, high profile, highly influential person's house, asking the lines of a king or president. You knock on the door, expecting to feel awkward and out of place. You expect some servant or butler to answer the door and welcome you in, hoping for, but definitely not anticipating a glimpse of the home's owner. Maybe he'll even introduce you at some point in the night, but don't hold your breath. Just do the safe thing, find an empty corner to hide in, and awkwardly wait it out till the party's over.
Not a chance. Before you can even knock on the door, it's flung violently open and you, still reeling in shock, are enveloped in a crushingly powerful bear hug that immediately takes your mind off the amazing integrity of those poor door hinges.
'Welcome! Come in! We've been expecting you! So glad you could make it!' You hear these excited greetings, but they're not coming from the butler, they're coming from the king himself, who happens to still be holding you in the bear hug. He lets you go just before you black out, and as you're catching your breath, you begin to notice that things aren't at all as you anticipated. He's not wearing a suit or a robe & crown, but old ratty jeans and a tie-dyed t-shirt. And his hair is long and frazzled, pulled back into a makeshift ponytail.
You're almost immediately offended into thinking 'I thought this was the king. This is no way for a king to dress. Or behave.' But before you can complete the thought he says, 'Follow me. I want to show you something.' He leads you through the kitchen, which you only recognize by the enormous refrigerator looming over you. It's intimidatingly large, and you feel a little unsettled. But then you notice that it's covered in what has to be thousands of crayon drawings and fingerpaintings, covering in layers every square inch of its surface. You know all of these underdeveloped messy scribblings came from the king's kids. You want to think 'The king's children's drawings ought to be better than these. Look at them! They're not even coloring inside the lines. Certainly they're not for public display.' But there is so much love and pride radiating from him as he explains each one of them as if they were curated masterpieces in the finest arts museum.
Then you hear them. Their laughter. Their joy. The unbridled energy of life emanating from the next room. They're all in here. All the king's children, in all of their wildness. You just watch for a while, and listen.
Then you realize the king isn't with you. He's no longer giving you the guided tour. He's not standing around with the other parents watching the kids play. He's in there. He's playing WITH them, the way they play. Down there, on the living room floor, wrestling and sweaty, getting covered in jello, and boogers, and loving every minute of it.
He's absolutely secure in His identity as Father; nothing will shake that in Him. It doesn't damage His reputation; it doesn't stain His holiness to lower Himself to the level of His kids playing on the floor...
What can separate us from the love of the Father? Absolutely nothing! Because He comes after us. When He sees us playing on the floor, He knows us at that level, as we are right then. He says, 'Of course I want you to be up here on my level with me, but I know your limitations. I'm deeply familiar with your immaturity. And I'm not waiting till you're grown up to have relationship with you. So what if you can't reach me where I am! I'll come to you! I'll meet you right where you are, and I'll stay right there with you as you grow up. I will not leave you as orphans, I will come TO you.'
You begin to get a completely fresh perspective on the Father, and as you turn toward home it hits you: Everything I experienced tonight was an illustration of His heart toward me, and an example of how my heart needs to be toward my own children.
And you can't wait to see the rest of the King's house.
It's a lot like going to a kid's birthday party at a wealthy, high profile, highly influential person's house, asking the lines of a king or president. You knock on the door, expecting to feel awkward and out of place. You expect some servant or butler to answer the door and welcome you in, hoping for, but definitely not anticipating a glimpse of the home's owner. Maybe he'll even introduce you at some point in the night, but don't hold your breath. Just do the safe thing, find an empty corner to hide in, and awkwardly wait it out till the party's over.
Not a chance. Before you can even knock on the door, it's flung violently open and you, still reeling in shock, are enveloped in a crushingly powerful bear hug that immediately takes your mind off the amazing integrity of those poor door hinges.
'Welcome! Come in! We've been expecting you! So glad you could make it!' You hear these excited greetings, but they're not coming from the butler, they're coming from the king himself, who happens to still be holding you in the bear hug. He lets you go just before you black out, and as you're catching your breath, you begin to notice that things aren't at all as you anticipated. He's not wearing a suit or a robe & crown, but old ratty jeans and a tie-dyed t-shirt. And his hair is long and frazzled, pulled back into a makeshift ponytail.
You're almost immediately offended into thinking 'I thought this was the king. This is no way for a king to dress. Or behave.' But before you can complete the thought he says, 'Follow me. I want to show you something.' He leads you through the kitchen, which you only recognize by the enormous refrigerator looming over you. It's intimidatingly large, and you feel a little unsettled. But then you notice that it's covered in what has to be thousands of crayon drawings and fingerpaintings, covering in layers every square inch of its surface. You know all of these underdeveloped messy scribblings came from the king's kids. You want to think 'The king's children's drawings ought to be better than these. Look at them! They're not even coloring inside the lines. Certainly they're not for public display.' But there is so much love and pride radiating from him as he explains each one of them as if they were curated masterpieces in the finest arts museum.
Then you hear them. Their laughter. Their joy. The unbridled energy of life emanating from the next room. They're all in here. All the king's children, in all of their wildness. You just watch for a while, and listen.
Then you realize the king isn't with you. He's no longer giving you the guided tour. He's not standing around with the other parents watching the kids play. He's in there. He's playing WITH them, the way they play. Down there, on the living room floor, wrestling and sweaty, getting covered in jello, and boogers, and loving every minute of it.
He's absolutely secure in His identity as Father; nothing will shake that in Him. It doesn't damage His reputation; it doesn't stain His holiness to lower Himself to the level of His kids playing on the floor...
What can separate us from the love of the Father? Absolutely nothing! Because He comes after us. When He sees us playing on the floor, He knows us at that level, as we are right then. He says, 'Of course I want you to be up here on my level with me, but I know your limitations. I'm deeply familiar with your immaturity. And I'm not waiting till you're grown up to have relationship with you. So what if you can't reach me where I am! I'll come to you! I'll meet you right where you are, and I'll stay right there with you as you grow up. I will not leave you as orphans, I will come TO you.'
You begin to get a completely fresh perspective on the Father, and as you turn toward home it hits you: Everything I experienced tonight was an illustration of His heart toward me, and an example of how my heart needs to be toward my own children.
And you can't wait to see the rest of the King's house.
Wednesday, March 16, 2016
The River
I was in that weird place between awake and asleep last night, and I thought a good use of that time would be to spend it with the Lord. So as I was praying, I began to thank the Lord for the people in my life. And immediately I could see the following:
I was in a vast expanse with the Lord. As I lifted up the name of one sister to the Lord, I saw myself as if I had physically picked her up into His presence, as though to say to Him, look Papa! See how awesome she is!? His response, in total agreement, was, "I know. She is. I made her." As I set her back down, another came to mind. Then another, then many others, one by one. What started out as an empty expanse became full of faces, each one remaining as they were added to the others, just like drops of rain collecting on a windshield. As the rain falls, another drop joins the collection until they get too heavy to remain in one place. They begin to flow, first small & slowly, but gaining in size and momentum as more drops are added to the collective. Each face represented a drop of water, all converging into one place. Then we started moving, and we became as a river, flowing and following the many contours of the land. Each person of the river was speaking, either their own name, or their story, but it was all praise to the Lord. Then I was standing on the bank of this now mighty rushing river, watching as one person after another would jump in, adding their sound, their life, their source to the river. Each one like a drop, and I was following each drop's journey downstream until I lost sight of the individual and the story would start over from a different point, with the addition of another drop. Each drop representing a person in the larger story, each one's praise speaking of the Lord, all unique, yet as one voice. Until we became the sound of many rushing waters in the earth, flowing into the earth to water & to feed it, for life and restoration, for healing to the nations. What started as being thankful for one person, honoring her before the Lord, became the source of a mighty river of life from the Kingdom to the Earth.
As I zoomed in on any individual drop (person) I could trace backward to the smaller drops that made them up, each one going to their family, and each family being part of a larger family, each family being a part of the greater Body of Christ, each one being as it were a tributary to the larger river, each person contributing to their local assembly, each local assembly contributing to its greater assembly (or denomination), and each part contributing, becoming part of the great river. Until we were all one river, made of many drops. One Body, made of many members. All flowing with one Source of life, His life, from the Kingdom to the Earth.
I was in a vast expanse with the Lord. As I lifted up the name of one sister to the Lord, I saw myself as if I had physically picked her up into His presence, as though to say to Him, look Papa! See how awesome she is!? His response, in total agreement, was, "I know. She is. I made her." As I set her back down, another came to mind. Then another, then many others, one by one. What started out as an empty expanse became full of faces, each one remaining as they were added to the others, just like drops of rain collecting on a windshield. As the rain falls, another drop joins the collection until they get too heavy to remain in one place. They begin to flow, first small & slowly, but gaining in size and momentum as more drops are added to the collective. Each face represented a drop of water, all converging into one place. Then we started moving, and we became as a river, flowing and following the many contours of the land. Each person of the river was speaking, either their own name, or their story, but it was all praise to the Lord. Then I was standing on the bank of this now mighty rushing river, watching as one person after another would jump in, adding their sound, their life, their source to the river. Each one like a drop, and I was following each drop's journey downstream until I lost sight of the individual and the story would start over from a different point, with the addition of another drop. Each drop representing a person in the larger story, each one's praise speaking of the Lord, all unique, yet as one voice. Until we became the sound of many rushing waters in the earth, flowing into the earth to water & to feed it, for life and restoration, for healing to the nations. What started as being thankful for one person, honoring her before the Lord, became the source of a mighty river of life from the Kingdom to the Earth.
As I zoomed in on any individual drop (person) I could trace backward to the smaller drops that made them up, each one going to their family, and each family being part of a larger family, each family being a part of the greater Body of Christ, each one being as it were a tributary to the larger river, each person contributing to their local assembly, each local assembly contributing to its greater assembly (or denomination), and each part contributing, becoming part of the great river. Until we were all one river, made of many drops. One Body, made of many members. All flowing with one Source of life, His life, from the Kingdom to the Earth.
Thursday, November 5, 2015
So, it's been a while. About three years actually. I don't even remember the last thing I wrote on here, and I'm certain that much has changed since my last post. This is still my story, but you don't have to take my word for it. Maybe I'll start posting on a regular basis. Maybe it'll be another 3 years. Who knows? Anyway, if you're reading this, you're probably a part of my story. Enjoy.
- JG
11-4-15
You. You are my first. You are my last. You are my future and my past.
These are the words I was singing out to Jesus from both the bottom of my heart and the top of my lungs as I washed a mountain of dirty dishes. They are lyrics to ‘Future/Past’ by John Mark McMillan, which happened to be the song playing at the time. Several other songs had already played and faded into memory, but this one was different. I was pretty familiar with the album version of the song, but hearing and seeing it live is a totally different experience. The way they film concerts these days is so engaging. It really can make you feel like you’re a part of the show, and in a sense it almost makes it better than actually being at the show. You have a better view, there’s much better sound quality, and relatively little to no chance of getting kicked in the head by a crowdsurfer or covered in the sweat of a random stranger.
As the song played on and I scrubbed and rinsed away the stubborn remnants of past meals, hands wrinkling in the soapy water, I began to notice a change. My eyes were wet with tears, not of sadness, and maybe not even of joy. Maybe it doesn’t even matter. The fact is it was worship, and it was real. The thing I remember most was thinking, “Hey, I’m crying. I haven’t cried in a looooonnnng time. Cool.” I also thought, “Crap. Now I can’t see, and can’t even wipe my face because my hands are all soapy and gross.” Apparently I didn’t think it a viable option to simply rinse and dry my hands. So I just went with it, and let the tears roll.
The next time the chorus came around I was all in. Weepy. Probably on the verge of getting a headache. There was probably snot, too. I didn’t care. In that moment, I was simply enamored with Jesus. And as I reflect back on this time, I get the feeling that He was completely enamored with me. So there I was, in all my disgusting glory, singing out to Jesus the words “You are my first. You are my last. You are my future and my past,” as if I was the one who originally penned them. And then something really strange happened…
It was as if I heard those exact words being sung back to me from Jesus Himself.
“You are my first. You are my last. You are my future and my past.”
Talk about losing it. I had never experienced anything like that before. I was a wreck, but in the best way possible. For a moment the thought crossed my mind, “Hey, you can’t say that. It’s supposed to be all about Jesus. You can’t switch the focus onto yourself.” But that thought didn’t last very long, because in that moment I just knew. I knew it was real. I knew that I am loved. Despite all my human understanding’s immediate rebellion at the thought that my life, my heart, could be so significant, I felt the Lord confirming those words to me. Like our relationship had reached a point, if only for that single moment, where the beat of His heart and the beat of mine had perfectly synced up and overlapped in true unbreakable union.
And at this point, my rebellious flesh was stunned to silence. I had been looking for a moment like this for about a solid year, and had almost given up on more than one occasion. But here it was. Here was my chance to shout out to God, “You matter to me! Why is this so hard?!” It was both an offering of broken worship and a confession of doubt. I was already wrecked. So to hear the Father say to me “You are my future. You are my past.” just sent me over the edge. Like He personally told me “You matter to me. You. However insignificant you may feel. However unworthy. However broken and full of doubt. You are the one I love.” I had grown up singing ‘Jesus Loves Me’ and all the other songs that speak of God’s love toward us. And I thought I believed it. But maybe I hadn’t really experienced it up to this point. And as ridiculous as it seems, I was compelled to defy logic and believe these new words. It was crazy. And I was more than a little freaked out. But it was so freakin’ cool!! Like the moment on Christmas morning when you unwrap that one special gift you had set all of your hopes on for the whole year… I had to tell someone.
Immediately my friend Courtney came to mind, so I texted her (It was 11pm. I had to wait). The next morning I get a series of texts from Courtney that said she had experienced the same thing and thought “No way! That’s not possible.” I was blown away. Maybe I wasn’t crazy or heretical after all. If we had both experienced the exact same thing, including the immediate doubt and subsequent affirmation, maybe it really was real. Maybe we both weren’t crazy. Or maybe we were. But if we were, I’d be willing to bet we’d both be content with that craziness. In that moment I didn’t care. I knew, beyond any shadow of doubt, that He loved me.
Just one moment in the Father’s heart can destroy any hint of lingering doubt or fear. Both of which I later found out were in great supply. But that is another part of the story. Maybe next time.
- JG
11-4-15
You. You are my first. You are my last. You are my future and my past.
These are the words I was singing out to Jesus from both the bottom of my heart and the top of my lungs as I washed a mountain of dirty dishes. They are lyrics to ‘Future/Past’ by John Mark McMillan, which happened to be the song playing at the time. Several other songs had already played and faded into memory, but this one was different. I was pretty familiar with the album version of the song, but hearing and seeing it live is a totally different experience. The way they film concerts these days is so engaging. It really can make you feel like you’re a part of the show, and in a sense it almost makes it better than actually being at the show. You have a better view, there’s much better sound quality, and relatively little to no chance of getting kicked in the head by a crowdsurfer or covered in the sweat of a random stranger.
As the song played on and I scrubbed and rinsed away the stubborn remnants of past meals, hands wrinkling in the soapy water, I began to notice a change. My eyes were wet with tears, not of sadness, and maybe not even of joy. Maybe it doesn’t even matter. The fact is it was worship, and it was real. The thing I remember most was thinking, “Hey, I’m crying. I haven’t cried in a looooonnnng time. Cool.” I also thought, “Crap. Now I can’t see, and can’t even wipe my face because my hands are all soapy and gross.” Apparently I didn’t think it a viable option to simply rinse and dry my hands. So I just went with it, and let the tears roll.
The next time the chorus came around I was all in. Weepy. Probably on the verge of getting a headache. There was probably snot, too. I didn’t care. In that moment, I was simply enamored with Jesus. And as I reflect back on this time, I get the feeling that He was completely enamored with me. So there I was, in all my disgusting glory, singing out to Jesus the words “You are my first. You are my last. You are my future and my past,” as if I was the one who originally penned them. And then something really strange happened…
It was as if I heard those exact words being sung back to me from Jesus Himself.
“You are my first. You are my last. You are my future and my past.”
Talk about losing it. I had never experienced anything like that before. I was a wreck, but in the best way possible. For a moment the thought crossed my mind, “Hey, you can’t say that. It’s supposed to be all about Jesus. You can’t switch the focus onto yourself.” But that thought didn’t last very long, because in that moment I just knew. I knew it was real. I knew that I am loved. Despite all my human understanding’s immediate rebellion at the thought that my life, my heart, could be so significant, I felt the Lord confirming those words to me. Like our relationship had reached a point, if only for that single moment, where the beat of His heart and the beat of mine had perfectly synced up and overlapped in true unbreakable union.
And at this point, my rebellious flesh was stunned to silence. I had been looking for a moment like this for about a solid year, and had almost given up on more than one occasion. But here it was. Here was my chance to shout out to God, “You matter to me! Why is this so hard?!” It was both an offering of broken worship and a confession of doubt. I was already wrecked. So to hear the Father say to me “You are my future. You are my past.” just sent me over the edge. Like He personally told me “You matter to me. You. However insignificant you may feel. However unworthy. However broken and full of doubt. You are the one I love.” I had grown up singing ‘Jesus Loves Me’ and all the other songs that speak of God’s love toward us. And I thought I believed it. But maybe I hadn’t really experienced it up to this point. And as ridiculous as it seems, I was compelled to defy logic and believe these new words. It was crazy. And I was more than a little freaked out. But it was so freakin’ cool!! Like the moment on Christmas morning when you unwrap that one special gift you had set all of your hopes on for the whole year… I had to tell someone.
Immediately my friend Courtney came to mind, so I texted her (It was 11pm. I had to wait). The next morning I get a series of texts from Courtney that said she had experienced the same thing and thought “No way! That’s not possible.” I was blown away. Maybe I wasn’t crazy or heretical after all. If we had both experienced the exact same thing, including the immediate doubt and subsequent affirmation, maybe it really was real. Maybe we both weren’t crazy. Or maybe we were. But if we were, I’d be willing to bet we’d both be content with that craziness. In that moment I didn’t care. I knew, beyond any shadow of doubt, that He loved me.
Just one moment in the Father’s heart can destroy any hint of lingering doubt or fear. Both of which I later found out were in great supply. But that is another part of the story. Maybe next time.
Thursday, February 23, 2012
A Testimony - Part 1
Hello. My name is Jason Grimm. This is my story, at least in part. Feel free to skip to the good stuff if you want. I think this is mostly going to be a record of my journey and some of the cool things God shows me along the way. It's easy to forget really important moments. If nothing else, hopefully this blog will help keep those moments from being buried in the halls of my memory. If anyone else finds inspiration or entertainment from part of my story, that's a great bonus. So, here we go...
I started playing drums years when I joined the sixth grade band. And for the next ten or twelve years that is all I wanted to do. It was very much an obsession. During the course of this time I had many opportunities to play with many different groups, varying stylistically from classic country to jazz, to progressive metal. There were also a few church-related gigs thrown in, but at the time, I wasn't too interested in church music. (note: I always thought of myself as a Christian, but my life didn't very well reflect the life of Christ.)
Fast forward a few more years. I was living in Virginia with my brother, who had recently given his life to Christ. He had remarkably changed, and was only listening to contemporary Christian music; imagine my shock at discovering that the very guy who turned me onto drumming and hard rock music now only listening to what i thought was "boring and generic" music. I had been schooled on classic rock & roll, jazz, and metal. This Christian stuff, despite the wonderful lyrical content, had very little appeal to me... But something changed. A transformation had begun in me that I was not aware of until it was far too late to escape its effects. Gradually, my brother's music started seeping into my head, and my heart. God had finally grabbed hold of me after so many years of struggling to find myself outside of Him.
A couple years later, I had gotten to the place where I only wanted to listen to and play music that would glorify God. What started as a minor annoyance had completely overtaken my life in ways that I was not ready for. I began drumming with a great folk/jam worship band, and as often happens when trying to learn a new song, the drummer became bored while waiting for the other musicians to figure out how the song was supposed to go. In a moment of "let's get the show on the road" I suggested I could sing the song to establish the melody, so the real singers could figure it out. I was perfectly content behind the fortress of my drumkit, and had no ambition to sing, but God had another plan. (I must add that up until this time I was paralyzed with fear of singing in front of anyone. I was very self-conscious of my voice, expecting insult and injury to follow any time I opened my mouth. The fear was so overwhelming that I couldn't even sing in my apartment if I knew my neighbors were home.) I sang the song during rehearsal, and they asked me to sing it the following night in front of a real audience. I completely freaked out, but surrendered my will to be used by the Lord. I was still afraid, but during the song the next night, I noticed people worshiping and even crying as I sang. It was all new to me, but I knew God was in it. I also noticed that the petrifying fear had also left me. Even now as I type this the verse comes to mind "perfect love casts out fear." And as the fear left, God's peace and reassurance rushed in to fill the void that remained. It was as though God came near and said to me, "See, I have made you for things bigger than the smallness of your own thinking. You are a worship leader." But I didn't know the first thing about leading worship. Nevertheless, here we are today.
I can now say that, despite my fear and less-than-stellar past, I am a worship leader. God had this in mind all along, even though I was trying to run from His calling and hide behind the drums. I thought that true freedom could be found in trying to make something of my life, in trying to fulfill my own dreams and desires. But, like Jesus said in the Sermon on the Mount, "If you lose your life for My sake, you will find it.", I have discovered, by God's mercy and patience, that complete and total surrender is the way to truly finding freedom. - "Not My will, but Thy will be done."
Since that life-changing night, God has been moving all through my life, increasing my territory for His glory. I rarely get to play drums these days, but I have found a new love for bass and guitar. Worship, to me, is more than singing a few songs. It encompasses every area of my life. To quote Chris Tomlin, "How can I keep from singing Your praise?" All I want to do is worship the Lord, to spend my time in His presence, and to help others not only get into this same place, but to cultivate a lifestyle of worship in their own lives. As followers of Christ, we are to be in constant communion with Him. He is the Bridge straight to the Father's heart, and has given us such a wonderful opportunity to meet with Him in His Presence. I can't help but want to share this with everyone who will listen. Let the rivers of living water flow.
I started playing drums years when I joined the sixth grade band. And for the next ten or twelve years that is all I wanted to do. It was very much an obsession. During the course of this time I had many opportunities to play with many different groups, varying stylistically from classic country to jazz, to progressive metal. There were also a few church-related gigs thrown in, but at the time, I wasn't too interested in church music. (note: I always thought of myself as a Christian, but my life didn't very well reflect the life of Christ.)
Fast forward a few more years. I was living in Virginia with my brother, who had recently given his life to Christ. He had remarkably changed, and was only listening to contemporary Christian music; imagine my shock at discovering that the very guy who turned me onto drumming and hard rock music now only listening to what i thought was "boring and generic" music. I had been schooled on classic rock & roll, jazz, and metal. This Christian stuff, despite the wonderful lyrical content, had very little appeal to me... But something changed. A transformation had begun in me that I was not aware of until it was far too late to escape its effects. Gradually, my brother's music started seeping into my head, and my heart. God had finally grabbed hold of me after so many years of struggling to find myself outside of Him.
A couple years later, I had gotten to the place where I only wanted to listen to and play music that would glorify God. What started as a minor annoyance had completely overtaken my life in ways that I was not ready for. I began drumming with a great folk/jam worship band, and as often happens when trying to learn a new song, the drummer became bored while waiting for the other musicians to figure out how the song was supposed to go. In a moment of "let's get the show on the road" I suggested I could sing the song to establish the melody, so the real singers could figure it out. I was perfectly content behind the fortress of my drumkit, and had no ambition to sing, but God had another plan. (I must add that up until this time I was paralyzed with fear of singing in front of anyone. I was very self-conscious of my voice, expecting insult and injury to follow any time I opened my mouth. The fear was so overwhelming that I couldn't even sing in my apartment if I knew my neighbors were home.) I sang the song during rehearsal, and they asked me to sing it the following night in front of a real audience. I completely freaked out, but surrendered my will to be used by the Lord. I was still afraid, but during the song the next night, I noticed people worshiping and even crying as I sang. It was all new to me, but I knew God was in it. I also noticed that the petrifying fear had also left me. Even now as I type this the verse comes to mind "perfect love casts out fear." And as the fear left, God's peace and reassurance rushed in to fill the void that remained. It was as though God came near and said to me, "See, I have made you for things bigger than the smallness of your own thinking. You are a worship leader." But I didn't know the first thing about leading worship. Nevertheless, here we are today.
I can now say that, despite my fear and less-than-stellar past, I am a worship leader. God had this in mind all along, even though I was trying to run from His calling and hide behind the drums. I thought that true freedom could be found in trying to make something of my life, in trying to fulfill my own dreams and desires. But, like Jesus said in the Sermon on the Mount, "If you lose your life for My sake, you will find it.", I have discovered, by God's mercy and patience, that complete and total surrender is the way to truly finding freedom. - "Not My will, but Thy will be done."
Since that life-changing night, God has been moving all through my life, increasing my territory for His glory. I rarely get to play drums these days, but I have found a new love for bass and guitar. Worship, to me, is more than singing a few songs. It encompasses every area of my life. To quote Chris Tomlin, "How can I keep from singing Your praise?" All I want to do is worship the Lord, to spend my time in His presence, and to help others not only get into this same place, but to cultivate a lifestyle of worship in their own lives. As followers of Christ, we are to be in constant communion with Him. He is the Bridge straight to the Father's heart, and has given us such a wonderful opportunity to meet with Him in His Presence. I can't help but want to share this with everyone who will listen. Let the rivers of living water flow.
Thursday, June 10, 2010
Dogwalking & Mother Teresa 6-10-10
So, a lady I work with got a dog last week, which she's been keeping at the store. As both of our bosses are on vacation this week, it's just the two of us left holding down the fort. And since I don't know anything about the actual store I work in, I have been promoted to dog duty, in more ways than one...
Today I came into work late, having stopped by the church this morning to record some music. (This fact is only relevant when viewed in the grander scope of the day, or my life as a a whole.) But, as God in His infinite wisdom, always seems to do, had placed me right when/where I needed to be.
I've been working on raising money to go to India, to help some of the world's poorest widows and orphans know a little bit of God's love. The fund-raising process has been a slow go so far, and the human part of me was beginning to doubt God's calling me. But I received a word of encouragement from an unlikely place last night, helping my spiritual, trusting side take the lead. I had also received a generous donation from a friend only minutes before, so I was pretty ecstatic at the time.
Continuing on. I checked my email this morning to find a message telling me I had received another donation. So I immediately began typing away at a response message with excitement and gratitude. And when I went back to my inbox, there was another message, with yet another donation. By this time, I was through the roof with excitement. I was double-checking the sender's email address when I noticed a message from a friend on Facebook, "Pray I have a good day at work, because half of my money is coming to you tonight." ARE YOU SERIOUS?!?! When God steps up to bat, He ALWAYS hits it out of the park.
I was frantically trying to respond to this new wave of generosity, but just when I had gathered some coherent thoughts, my co-worker brought her dog, Little Orphan Annie downstairs for me to walk. "OK," I said, as I stopped what I was doing in order to give both of them a much-needed break. And we headed to the park.
Right before we crossed the street, Annie stopped and began barking, for no apparent reason. I wondered, "Can she see an angel or something?" as I've heard animals have a perception for spiritual things like that. But I didn't see anything, or anyone, save for a police car that wasn't there the last time we had gone to the park.
Once in the park, Annie quickly went about her business. But I, for some reason, wanted to keep walking. And so we did. Apparently, someone else wanted to keep walking at that very same time, and we met mid-stroll on the sidewalk. I found out that she was part of a group of bicyclists on their way from Yorktown, VA to Oregon. They had found our small town park to be a suitable overnight resting place before embarking on the next leg of their ride. 4200 miles in 3 months. Pretty intense. I told her I'd always wanted to do something like that, and that I was trying to get to India this summer for a mission trip. She referred me to Sarah, another member of her biking group, who had done that very thing years before. I thanked her, and we continued on our way. I never did get her name. I'm bad about that...
We met Sarah behind the stage building. She was easy to recognize, due to the fact that the others were all men. So, I asked her assumingly, "Are you Sarah?" And so our conversation began.
I mentioned to Sarah about her friend I had just met, of hearing about her time in India, and about my own intentions of traveling there this summer. The excitement was nearly palpable, both in her voice, and in my spirit. She went on to tell me of helping at an orphanage in Calcutta, staying in the Salvation Army shelter during her time there. I was fascinated. And then she drew the big gun: 'It was 1981, and I was helping Mother Teresa. She walked up to me a couple days before she flew to meet President Reagan, and said "You'll be here when I get back, won't you?"' I guess so. Even though Sarah was out of money, and getting ready to fly home in a few days, some generous soul felt the need to keep her there for a little while longer. He funded Sarah for two additional weeks, hotel and all.
Sarah, whom I finally introduced myself to halfway through our conversation, proceeded to tell me of the amazing stories connected to her time in missions, both in India, and her native Thailand. One thing that really stood out to me was her desire to connect people together. She did this by taking pictures of all her supporters, and the items they donated. Once she got to her ministry site, she distributed all the donations to the people in need, whether clothing, food, seeds for planting, or money. She took new pictures of the people receiving the gifts, and sent them back to the original donors, thus directly connecting the giver and the receiver. An idea I will not soon forget.
God is good. All the time. And He is at His best (or so it seems to us) when we cannot see behind the curtain. He is always on the move, doing great and mighty things. But are we moving with Him? I hope this inspires even 1 person as much as it has inspired me. "I just want to touch you. I just want to make you move." God bless.
Today I came into work late, having stopped by the church this morning to record some music. (This fact is only relevant when viewed in the grander scope of the day, or my life as a a whole.) But, as God in His infinite wisdom, always seems to do, had placed me right when/where I needed to be.
I've been working on raising money to go to India, to help some of the world's poorest widows and orphans know a little bit of God's love. The fund-raising process has been a slow go so far, and the human part of me was beginning to doubt God's calling me. But I received a word of encouragement from an unlikely place last night, helping my spiritual, trusting side take the lead. I had also received a generous donation from a friend only minutes before, so I was pretty ecstatic at the time.
Continuing on. I checked my email this morning to find a message telling me I had received another donation. So I immediately began typing away at a response message with excitement and gratitude. And when I went back to my inbox, there was another message, with yet another donation. By this time, I was through the roof with excitement. I was double-checking the sender's email address when I noticed a message from a friend on Facebook, "Pray I have a good day at work, because half of my money is coming to you tonight." ARE YOU SERIOUS?!?! When God steps up to bat, He ALWAYS hits it out of the park.
I was frantically trying to respond to this new wave of generosity, but just when I had gathered some coherent thoughts, my co-worker brought her dog, Little Orphan Annie downstairs for me to walk. "OK," I said, as I stopped what I was doing in order to give both of them a much-needed break. And we headed to the park.
Right before we crossed the street, Annie stopped and began barking, for no apparent reason. I wondered, "Can she see an angel or something?" as I've heard animals have a perception for spiritual things like that. But I didn't see anything, or anyone, save for a police car that wasn't there the last time we had gone to the park.
Once in the park, Annie quickly went about her business. But I, for some reason, wanted to keep walking. And so we did. Apparently, someone else wanted to keep walking at that very same time, and we met mid-stroll on the sidewalk. I found out that she was part of a group of bicyclists on their way from Yorktown, VA to Oregon. They had found our small town park to be a suitable overnight resting place before embarking on the next leg of their ride. 4200 miles in 3 months. Pretty intense. I told her I'd always wanted to do something like that, and that I was trying to get to India this summer for a mission trip. She referred me to Sarah, another member of her biking group, who had done that very thing years before. I thanked her, and we continued on our way. I never did get her name. I'm bad about that...
We met Sarah behind the stage building. She was easy to recognize, due to the fact that the others were all men. So, I asked her assumingly, "Are you Sarah?" And so our conversation began.
I mentioned to Sarah about her friend I had just met, of hearing about her time in India, and about my own intentions of traveling there this summer. The excitement was nearly palpable, both in her voice, and in my spirit. She went on to tell me of helping at an orphanage in Calcutta, staying in the Salvation Army shelter during her time there. I was fascinated. And then she drew the big gun: 'It was 1981, and I was helping Mother Teresa. She walked up to me a couple days before she flew to meet President Reagan, and said "You'll be here when I get back, won't you?"' I guess so. Even though Sarah was out of money, and getting ready to fly home in a few days, some generous soul felt the need to keep her there for a little while longer. He funded Sarah for two additional weeks, hotel and all.
Sarah, whom I finally introduced myself to halfway through our conversation, proceeded to tell me of the amazing stories connected to her time in missions, both in India, and her native Thailand. One thing that really stood out to me was her desire to connect people together. She did this by taking pictures of all her supporters, and the items they donated. Once she got to her ministry site, she distributed all the donations to the people in need, whether clothing, food, seeds for planting, or money. She took new pictures of the people receiving the gifts, and sent them back to the original donors, thus directly connecting the giver and the receiver. An idea I will not soon forget.
God is good. All the time. And He is at His best (or so it seems to us) when we cannot see behind the curtain. He is always on the move, doing great and mighty things. But are we moving with Him? I hope this inspires even 1 person as much as it has inspired me. "I just want to touch you. I just want to make you move." God bless.
Wednesday, May 19, 2010
Genesis 1&2 - thoughts & meditations
In the beginning You had a plan to redeem a world that hadn't yet rejected You. While You walked and talked with us in the Garden Your heart was breaking over decisions we hadn't yet been given. At the fall, we robbed You of Your precious creation, and You weren't even surprised. The Solution had already been set in motion. Jesus was already preparing to enter the world's stage. Your love for us shows through Your intricate design to take back what was stolen from You, even before it had the chance to be taken. The enemy was defeated before we fell. Our redemption began before the world was made(Ephesians 1:4). You used the very traps and schemes of the enemy in order to bring about or rescue. You saw, spread out before You, the whole plan of history, like a single snapshot. That one instantaneous moment, when viewed through Your eyes, captured the whole of history... Glory be to God, our Creator and Redeemer!! (2 Corinthians 5:18,19)
By the time You called Abram and Sarai, the world was already full of evil. We had been fruitful and multiplied, but our fruit was rotten. Cultures, societies, and histories had been established, spurred on by the creative ingenuity You gave us, and by Your shattering our language into thousands of tiny fragments. We had turned from You to the false gods of this world. Even Your chosen ones were led away by idols. Where were You in this hour? How much time had passed since You started over with Noah? How long did it take his children to stray?
Even on the First day You were preparing for Your glory to be revealed. You created light from darkness, as You always have done. The Light will always prevail over the darkness.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
God blessed water & air animals (Gen 1:22) but what about land animals? (1:24,25)
God blessed man, (Gen 1:28) & gave us authority over all the earth
God blessed the 7th day, Sabbath, and made it holy. (Gen 2:3)
God formed man(1:27), told us how He did it(2:7), & placed him in paradise(2:8)
God gave man & animals: trees, herbs & plants for food(1:29,30) which says that we were all vegetarians, living at peace with each other(man & beast) until after the flood... In Genesis 9:1-3, God changed this. He then placed a fear of man in the heart of every animal, and we began eating meat; eating other living creatures.
God planted a garden (2:8) in addition to the rest of nature, with every beautiful & food-producing tree.(2:9) He provided our food, and food for our food. There was a river in the midst of the Garden, and it watered the whole place as it split into 4 rivers (2:10-14)
God provided our work & livelihood (2:15)
in all this perfection & beauty, God placed a single tree for us NOT to eat from. This was to be a constant testing of our loyalty to Him. He put it there so we would WANT to choose Him. He wanted us to exercise our freewill to His glory; so we would CHOOSE to love Him with our actions. (2:16-17) This was revisited in Deuteronomy 30:15-18... "I set before you today life and prosperity, death and destruction." He wanted us to CONSTANTLY choose life...
This 1 tree triggered our redemptive history. (Gen 2:17)
How many times were Adam & Eve tempted before they finally gave in? How many thousands of years could have passed before this falling away? Obviously they wouldn't be immediately led away. It probably took place over a long period of time. (This is my personal thought, for the record. But it makes sense to me.)
God commanded us not to eat of this tree. His only command. 1 simple law that, when broken, introduced our perfect world to death & sin. (2 Cor.3:6- the letter kills, but the Spirit gives life.) This fall resulted in 10 commandments, each one very specific, which in turn gave way to our sin-filled search for justification within ourselves. This further digressed into hundreds of Levitical laws & all the additions the scribes, Pharisees & Saducees tacked on... But Jesus brought it all back around to 1 SIMPLE COMMAND: LOVE. (John 15:9,10, Mark 12:29-31, Matt 22:37-40)
God said it was NOT good that man be alone, so He made him a helper. God was preparing Adam for the loss of His physical presence, and setting up every detail of the future's events. (Gen 2:18)
(It seems like Moses jumped out of the narrative in Gen 2:24, to explain the process of marriage. The word 'therefore' means 'this is the reason'... Adam & Eve were already married, but they had no father and mother to leave.)
Why did God rest on the 7th day? (Gen 2:2) Sure, creating the universe was hard work, but not for our omnipotent God. He couldn't have been tired or weak, but rather, I think He wanted the 7th day to be a day of gazing on His creation as it reflected His glory, as it reflected His Son. He blessed & sanctified it, setting it apart for His use, to be made holy. (Colossians 1:13.20)
Gen 1:10- Earth was named by God, not after any Greek/Roman mythology, like the rest of the planets, which were named by men...
Once again, these are just my thoughts. Don't take my word for it.
By the time You called Abram and Sarai, the world was already full of evil. We had been fruitful and multiplied, but our fruit was rotten. Cultures, societies, and histories had been established, spurred on by the creative ingenuity You gave us, and by Your shattering our language into thousands of tiny fragments. We had turned from You to the false gods of this world. Even Your chosen ones were led away by idols. Where were You in this hour? How much time had passed since You started over with Noah? How long did it take his children to stray?
Even on the First day You were preparing for Your glory to be revealed. You created light from darkness, as You always have done. The Light will always prevail over the darkness.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
God blessed water & air animals (Gen 1:22) but what about land animals? (1:24,25)
God blessed man, (Gen 1:28) & gave us authority over all the earth
God blessed the 7th day, Sabbath, and made it holy. (Gen 2:3)
God formed man(1:27), told us how He did it(2:7), & placed him in paradise(2:8)
God gave man & animals: trees, herbs & plants for food(1:29,30) which says that we were all vegetarians, living at peace with each other(man & beast) until after the flood... In Genesis 9:1-3, God changed this. He then placed a fear of man in the heart of every animal, and we began eating meat; eating other living creatures.
God planted a garden (2:8) in addition to the rest of nature, with every beautiful & food-producing tree.(2:9) He provided our food, and food for our food. There was a river in the midst of the Garden, and it watered the whole place as it split into 4 rivers (2:10-14)
God provided our work & livelihood (2:15)
in all this perfection & beauty, God placed a single tree for us NOT to eat from. This was to be a constant testing of our loyalty to Him. He put it there so we would WANT to choose Him. He wanted us to exercise our freewill to His glory; so we would CHOOSE to love Him with our actions. (2:16-17) This was revisited in Deuteronomy 30:15-18... "I set before you today life and prosperity, death and destruction." He wanted us to CONSTANTLY choose life...
This 1 tree triggered our redemptive history. (Gen 2:17)
How many times were Adam & Eve tempted before they finally gave in? How many thousands of years could have passed before this falling away? Obviously they wouldn't be immediately led away. It probably took place over a long period of time. (This is my personal thought, for the record. But it makes sense to me.)
God commanded us not to eat of this tree. His only command. 1 simple law that, when broken, introduced our perfect world to death & sin. (2 Cor.3:6- the letter kills, but the Spirit gives life.) This fall resulted in 10 commandments, each one very specific, which in turn gave way to our sin-filled search for justification within ourselves. This further digressed into hundreds of Levitical laws & all the additions the scribes, Pharisees & Saducees tacked on... But Jesus brought it all back around to 1 SIMPLE COMMAND: LOVE. (John 15:9,10, Mark 12:29-31, Matt 22:37-40)
God said it was NOT good that man be alone, so He made him a helper. God was preparing Adam for the loss of His physical presence, and setting up every detail of the future's events. (Gen 2:18)
(It seems like Moses jumped out of the narrative in Gen 2:24, to explain the process of marriage. The word 'therefore' means 'this is the reason'... Adam & Eve were already married, but they had no father and mother to leave.)
Why did God rest on the 7th day? (Gen 2:2) Sure, creating the universe was hard work, but not for our omnipotent God. He couldn't have been tired or weak, but rather, I think He wanted the 7th day to be a day of gazing on His creation as it reflected His glory, as it reflected His Son. He blessed & sanctified it, setting it apart for His use, to be made holy. (Colossians 1:13.20)
Gen 1:10- Earth was named by God, not after any Greek/Roman mythology, like the rest of the planets, which were named by men...
Once again, these are just my thoughts. Don't take my word for it.
Monday, March 8, 2010
Everything Glorious: His More-Than-Enough Grace
every time i afford myself the opportunity to draw near the Father, He never fails to amaze me; to overwhelm me with His perfect love. recently i led worship in a service; a place i felt unqualified, even unworthy, to serve. but i have made an unspoken promise to take every opportunity God gives me, no matter how scary it may seem. i've told several people of this 'unspoken' promise, so i guess it's not really unspoken except in the regard that i haven't yet told myself...
so, in this particular service, i got the invitation, and i knew before i opened the email what it would say. but i opened it anyway, and felt my stomach sink. a sudden anxiousness struck me as i began feeling the pressure of such a task. i began to doubt if i was able to do it. i began to question whether i was worthy of leading God's people in such a manner. i began to fear their expectations. i began to listen to the voice that said it was too big, too much for me to handle. and rightly so, because it WAS too big for me to handle. it was a HUGE burden. i mean, these were the people who lead ME, and now i was charged with leading them. all of this happened within the course of a few minutes. i went from obliviously going through my day, riding on the word of encouragement i had received the day before, to full-on burdened, to honored and excited within moments.
to clarify, this was a monday morning. the previous sunday, i went to thank our associate pastor for a great, very moving sermon. but he stopped me in my tracks by saying that 'God's hand is upon you. you have everything you need to do what He wants you to do. you have already been blessed, but He is only getting started. He is going to continue blessing you. you will have a huge impact on multitudes of people. He is using you to make a difference for Him. He is expanding your territory of influence. BUT you must keep chasing Him. keep the fire alive. don't let it die, but rather feed it and let it grow.' i was nearly floored at hearing this. after all, i went to encourage him, and was abundantly blessed in the process. i told him that i had been feeling this calling for a while, that everything he said made sense, but that i also felt overwhelmed, that it was too much for me. his response was 'you can do all things through Christ who gives you strength.' that was enough to shut up the doubts in my mind... at least until the next morning. (Philippians 4:13)
so, as i read the invitation that i was so afraid of opening, i remembered the verse the pastor quoted me. i was immediately flooded with a peace that didn't make any sense; with a joy at facing the upcoming service. it instantly went from obstacle to opportunity. and i couldn't wait for friday evening to get here.
friday finally rolled around, and not without opposition. i still didn't feel ready, but i had prepared. i had given my best effort to get ready. i had polished my armor. we had trouble with the sound system, and ended up starting about 45 minutes late. but that didn't bother me. God's peace was with me. so, i nervously and awkwardly tried to shut out the environment and the very people i was ministering to, in order to return my focus to the moment the songs were written. to that place of intimate worship, and complete vulnerability. only them would i be able to get past the 'performance' and into the heart of the Father. and these were God's people. they deserved nothing less. God deserved nothing less... in order to fully minister the way He called me to, i had to put myself aside, and embrace my nakedness. i was completely vulnerable in this place, bearing my heart and soul before God and everybody. and so it went.
i didn't realize until a few days later the impact that friday had on me. and it came, as usual, through someone else. i was not at all pleased with my playing of the 3rd song, especially since it was the one i was most familiar with. as a musician and a perfectionist, i was of the assumption that everyone else would be aware of all my mistakes, and quick as i was to criticize them. but it surprised me not to be the case. perhaps i had connected well enough that my screw-ups were irrelevant. and this, really, is the point that i think i was to learn. the crux of God's sermon to me...
despite my preparation, my training, etc., there were mistakes. unavoidable detours in 'my plan' of carrying out God's work. i am humbled in this for realizing i had tried to assume every responsibility. it was as though i had said to God, 'ok, this is what You want me to do. i can handle it from here.' i handled it well enough, but it wasn't perfect. it wasn't complete. but God used me, nonetheless. God was speaking through me, and to me. i really could do this through His strength. and despite my mistakes and failures, He used what i offered Him to bless others and myself, and ultimately, to bring Him glory. he took my broken, incomplete offering, and turned it into something beautiful. it really brought to life 2 Corinthians 12:9, which says 'My grace is sufficient for thee.' i never really understood that verse until now. but the rest of the passage adds to the power and relevance of verse 9. i've attached it below... in essence, it says: i am imperfect, but You are perfection. Your grace is more than enough to fill in the gaps of my flawed attempts. it is everything i need. You are everything i need. for me to act in, and even boast in my flaws, my brokenness, is for You to be revealed in abundance. it is when i reach the end of myself that i find You are only beginning. You know my faults, and You still love me all the more. my weakness won't keep me from Your love. You WILL love me, whether i deserve it or not. You ARE love. and in this love is where You desire for me to live. i will boast in my weakness, if only to show You off. when i can't do it, You can. when i step out of the way, You can truly shine... You are here, in You i find life and peace. when i get lost, let it be in You.
i could go on and on, but i will end it here. thank you for reading. be encouraged. be blessed. be overwhelmed by the love of the Father. His grace is more than enough. God bless.
2 Corinthians 12:1-13 - Paul's Vision and His Thorn
I must go on boasting. Although there is nothing to be gained, I will go on to visions and revelations from the Lord. I know a man in Christ who fourteen years ago was caught up to the third heaven. Whether it was in the body or out of the body I do not know—God knows. And I know that this man—whether in the body or apart from the body I do not know, but God knows— was caught up to paradise. He heard inexpressible things, things that man is not permitted to tell. I will boast about a man like that, but I will not boast about myself, except about my weaknesses. Even if I should choose to boast, I would not be a fool, because I would be speaking the truth. But I refrain, so no one will think more of me than is warranted by what I do or say.
To keep me from becoming conceited because of these surpassingly great revelations, there was given me a thorn in my flesh, a messenger of Satan, to torment me. Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.
Paul's Concern for the Corinthians
I have made a fool of myself, but you drove me to it. I ought to have been commended by you, for I am not in the least inferior to the "super-apostles," even though I am nothing. The things that mark an apostle—signs, wonders and miracles—were done among you with great perseverance. How were you inferior to the other churches, except that I was never a burden to you? Forgive me this wrong!
so, in this particular service, i got the invitation, and i knew before i opened the email what it would say. but i opened it anyway, and felt my stomach sink. a sudden anxiousness struck me as i began feeling the pressure of such a task. i began to doubt if i was able to do it. i began to question whether i was worthy of leading God's people in such a manner. i began to fear their expectations. i began to listen to the voice that said it was too big, too much for me to handle. and rightly so, because it WAS too big for me to handle. it was a HUGE burden. i mean, these were the people who lead ME, and now i was charged with leading them. all of this happened within the course of a few minutes. i went from obliviously going through my day, riding on the word of encouragement i had received the day before, to full-on burdened, to honored and excited within moments.
to clarify, this was a monday morning. the previous sunday, i went to thank our associate pastor for a great, very moving sermon. but he stopped me in my tracks by saying that 'God's hand is upon you. you have everything you need to do what He wants you to do. you have already been blessed, but He is only getting started. He is going to continue blessing you. you will have a huge impact on multitudes of people. He is using you to make a difference for Him. He is expanding your territory of influence. BUT you must keep chasing Him. keep the fire alive. don't let it die, but rather feed it and let it grow.' i was nearly floored at hearing this. after all, i went to encourage him, and was abundantly blessed in the process. i told him that i had been feeling this calling for a while, that everything he said made sense, but that i also felt overwhelmed, that it was too much for me. his response was 'you can do all things through Christ who gives you strength.' that was enough to shut up the doubts in my mind... at least until the next morning. (Philippians 4:13)
so, as i read the invitation that i was so afraid of opening, i remembered the verse the pastor quoted me. i was immediately flooded with a peace that didn't make any sense; with a joy at facing the upcoming service. it instantly went from obstacle to opportunity. and i couldn't wait for friday evening to get here.
friday finally rolled around, and not without opposition. i still didn't feel ready, but i had prepared. i had given my best effort to get ready. i had polished my armor. we had trouble with the sound system, and ended up starting about 45 minutes late. but that didn't bother me. God's peace was with me. so, i nervously and awkwardly tried to shut out the environment and the very people i was ministering to, in order to return my focus to the moment the songs were written. to that place of intimate worship, and complete vulnerability. only them would i be able to get past the 'performance' and into the heart of the Father. and these were God's people. they deserved nothing less. God deserved nothing less... in order to fully minister the way He called me to, i had to put myself aside, and embrace my nakedness. i was completely vulnerable in this place, bearing my heart and soul before God and everybody. and so it went.
i didn't realize until a few days later the impact that friday had on me. and it came, as usual, through someone else. i was not at all pleased with my playing of the 3rd song, especially since it was the one i was most familiar with. as a musician and a perfectionist, i was of the assumption that everyone else would be aware of all my mistakes, and quick as i was to criticize them. but it surprised me not to be the case. perhaps i had connected well enough that my screw-ups were irrelevant. and this, really, is the point that i think i was to learn. the crux of God's sermon to me...
despite my preparation, my training, etc., there were mistakes. unavoidable detours in 'my plan' of carrying out God's work. i am humbled in this for realizing i had tried to assume every responsibility. it was as though i had said to God, 'ok, this is what You want me to do. i can handle it from here.' i handled it well enough, but it wasn't perfect. it wasn't complete. but God used me, nonetheless. God was speaking through me, and to me. i really could do this through His strength. and despite my mistakes and failures, He used what i offered Him to bless others and myself, and ultimately, to bring Him glory. he took my broken, incomplete offering, and turned it into something beautiful. it really brought to life 2 Corinthians 12:9, which says 'My grace is sufficient for thee.' i never really understood that verse until now. but the rest of the passage adds to the power and relevance of verse 9. i've attached it below... in essence, it says: i am imperfect, but You are perfection. Your grace is more than enough to fill in the gaps of my flawed attempts. it is everything i need. You are everything i need. for me to act in, and even boast in my flaws, my brokenness, is for You to be revealed in abundance. it is when i reach the end of myself that i find You are only beginning. You know my faults, and You still love me all the more. my weakness won't keep me from Your love. You WILL love me, whether i deserve it or not. You ARE love. and in this love is where You desire for me to live. i will boast in my weakness, if only to show You off. when i can't do it, You can. when i step out of the way, You can truly shine... You are here, in You i find life and peace. when i get lost, let it be in You.
i could go on and on, but i will end it here. thank you for reading. be encouraged. be blessed. be overwhelmed by the love of the Father. His grace is more than enough. God bless.
2 Corinthians 12:1-13 - Paul's Vision and His Thorn
I must go on boasting. Although there is nothing to be gained, I will go on to visions and revelations from the Lord. I know a man in Christ who fourteen years ago was caught up to the third heaven. Whether it was in the body or out of the body I do not know—God knows. And I know that this man—whether in the body or apart from the body I do not know, but God knows— was caught up to paradise. He heard inexpressible things, things that man is not permitted to tell. I will boast about a man like that, but I will not boast about myself, except about my weaknesses. Even if I should choose to boast, I would not be a fool, because I would be speaking the truth. But I refrain, so no one will think more of me than is warranted by what I do or say.
To keep me from becoming conceited because of these surpassingly great revelations, there was given me a thorn in my flesh, a messenger of Satan, to torment me. Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.
Paul's Concern for the Corinthians
I have made a fool of myself, but you drove me to it. I ought to have been commended by you, for I am not in the least inferior to the "super-apostles," even though I am nothing. The things that mark an apostle—signs, wonders and miracles—were done among you with great perseverance. How were you inferior to the other churches, except that I was never a burden to you? Forgive me this wrong!
Tuesday, December 29, 2009
Bricks & Branches - 2010
Life requires growth. Growth requires challenge; something strange and new; something we may fear. But facing this fear is the only way to grow. Think of a tree, reaching for the sun, its source of light, life, and power. Day after day it keeps reaching higher and higher, as if to say to the sun, “I need you. Strengthen me.” Each new season presents a new set of challenges to overcome, but the tree will weather them all. It will remain strong after the summers and winters have come and gone. It will grow in strength, as with every passing day a new layer of bark is being formed, preparing the tree for the challenges ahead; all the while the tree is increasing in size and integrity, wisdom and maturity. Embedded in each layer are the remnants of what it took to make it to this day. Each wrinkle and groove holds priceless wisdom, preserved in a time-capsule of thickened skin brought on by the rigors of passing time. Collecting these memories, the wrinkles and scars, becomes the foundation for the coming change; a foundation of integrity, able to withstand any storm.
Building on this foundation, consider a mason, carefully and dutifully laying each course of brick. He depends on the foundation he has already set in place, not only to stand up under the weight of the new layers, but to provide them with a base of strength and integrity.
We may not notice the strength the past provides until we can look at ourselves, our lives, through the lens of time, and connect the rings of the seasons we have made it through. We are the trees, but we didn’t plant ourselves. It is the Great Gardener who looks after us, making sure we have the sun and water we need to survive. We are the bricks. We are the wall. But it is the Master Mason who forms us into something strong and useful, as we are stacked higher toward the heavens.
Let us grow then, ever closer to the Son, our ultimate source of power, light, and life, as our layers continue to build our strength for each and every challenge the future will provide.
12-29-09
Building on this foundation, consider a mason, carefully and dutifully laying each course of brick. He depends on the foundation he has already set in place, not only to stand up under the weight of the new layers, but to provide them with a base of strength and integrity.
We may not notice the strength the past provides until we can look at ourselves, our lives, through the lens of time, and connect the rings of the seasons we have made it through. We are the trees, but we didn’t plant ourselves. It is the Great Gardener who looks after us, making sure we have the sun and water we need to survive. We are the bricks. We are the wall. But it is the Master Mason who forms us into something strong and useful, as we are stacked higher toward the heavens.
Let us grow then, ever closer to the Son, our ultimate source of power, light, and life, as our layers continue to build our strength for each and every challenge the future will provide.
12-29-09
Friday, December 11, 2009
Death?
last night i dreamed i was about to die... could have been a result of eating too close to bedtime, could have been random coincidence (which i don't believe in), or it could have been God speaking to me. let's go with that one. seems He's been doing that a lot recently, and i am certainly not complaining. but death, really?!
i didn't actually die in my dream, but i did fall on the floor and yell for help, 'we're gonna have to go to the hospital.' i know this doesn't necessarily mean i was dying, but there was this overwhelming feeling of imminent death. like i was just sitting around waiting to die... but at least i was surrounded by the people I love.
it was at this point i awakened, feeling troubled and uneasy, to say the least. i don't believe it is my time to die, but i'm not the one holding those cards. my life is secure in my God, and whether He takes me home or comes to get me, sooner or later i will have to move on from this world. selfishly, i'm hoping it's not any time soon. i believe there is still work i have yet to do. when i finish my race, then i will go home. for now, though, i must keep running. i know that i win either way, for as Paul said, 'For to me, to live is Christ and to die is gain.' (Phil.1:21)
when i awoke, i was burdened with the thought, 'what if i were dying? how would that affect the way i was living?' it was then that i realized that i am dying. every single one of us is... but how often do we think of this? does the thought of our eventual deaths drive us to live better lives? and if not, shouldn't it?
another thought that came to me (through Erin, once again) was that usually death, in a dream sense, is synonymous with 'change.' considering this, everything starts to make sense. change has been all around me for a while now. God is not changing, but he is DEFINITELY making a big change in my life. i was told a couple days before this dream that there is a 'spiritual whirlwind around me,' and before that i randomly (or not) posted the lyrics to Brandon Heath's 'wait and see,' which say 'He's up to something.' and yesterday on the simpsons, Lisa encountered a fortune teller, who immediately drew the 'death' card... her first reaction was one of fear and denial, as was mine. but the teller explained that death was a good thing; that it meant change was coming; a new chapter, of sorts... coincidental, indeed.
so, all that to say that God is definitely up to something in my life. and i am certain it will involve moving me to a place i have never considered going. so much for comfort zones... mine has been constantly shrinking and/or shattering for over a year now, and there's no sign of it letting up. once again, i'm not complaining. i just feel such a sense of honor and privilege to be in God's plan; to know that He is using me in some magnificent way that is forever beyond me, for His glory.
"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart." (Jeremiah 29:11)
Thank you for reading this, and God bless.
i didn't actually die in my dream, but i did fall on the floor and yell for help, 'we're gonna have to go to the hospital.' i know this doesn't necessarily mean i was dying, but there was this overwhelming feeling of imminent death. like i was just sitting around waiting to die... but at least i was surrounded by the people I love.
it was at this point i awakened, feeling troubled and uneasy, to say the least. i don't believe it is my time to die, but i'm not the one holding those cards. my life is secure in my God, and whether He takes me home or comes to get me, sooner or later i will have to move on from this world. selfishly, i'm hoping it's not any time soon. i believe there is still work i have yet to do. when i finish my race, then i will go home. for now, though, i must keep running. i know that i win either way, for as Paul said, 'For to me, to live is Christ and to die is gain.' (Phil.1:21)
when i awoke, i was burdened with the thought, 'what if i were dying? how would that affect the way i was living?' it was then that i realized that i am dying. every single one of us is... but how often do we think of this? does the thought of our eventual deaths drive us to live better lives? and if not, shouldn't it?
another thought that came to me (through Erin, once again) was that usually death, in a dream sense, is synonymous with 'change.' considering this, everything starts to make sense. change has been all around me for a while now. God is not changing, but he is DEFINITELY making a big change in my life. i was told a couple days before this dream that there is a 'spiritual whirlwind around me,' and before that i randomly (or not) posted the lyrics to Brandon Heath's 'wait and see,' which say 'He's up to something.' and yesterday on the simpsons, Lisa encountered a fortune teller, who immediately drew the 'death' card... her first reaction was one of fear and denial, as was mine. but the teller explained that death was a good thing; that it meant change was coming; a new chapter, of sorts... coincidental, indeed.
so, all that to say that God is definitely up to something in my life. and i am certain it will involve moving me to a place i have never considered going. so much for comfort zones... mine has been constantly shrinking and/or shattering for over a year now, and there's no sign of it letting up. once again, i'm not complaining. i just feel such a sense of honor and privilege to be in God's plan; to know that He is using me in some magnificent way that is forever beyond me, for His glory.
"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart." (Jeremiah 29:11)
Thank you for reading this, and God bless.
Friday, November 27, 2009
Making a Change. . .
Ministry Ideas 11-26-09 (Thanksgiving)
Hello, everyone. I have had a strong conviction on my heart for the past couple months or more. As many of you already know, there is a serious need in our community in regard to various forms of poverty, whether it takes the place of food, clothing, shelter, employment, medical attention, transportation, etc. I don’t yet know how deep this need really is, but I have already seen significant evidence that it is real. I feel strongly that God has placed on my heart a mission to alleviate some of this need. There a re great programs out there, but obviously they are not enough. Try as they may, there are still people all around suffering in one way or another. I feel a personal calling to make a difference, even if it is just for one person. And I believe that as I step out on faith, God will place others in my path with the same heart to help this ministry grow into something relevant, both in our community, and in the world at large. Thank you all for expressing an interest in helping. We need as many people involved as we can get. God has big plans for each of us, and I am excitedly awaiting their realization.
I have already spoken to some of you about my ideas for this ministry, and they have been well-received by all. Allow me to explain some of them in detail, but I must warn you. Sometimes I tend to ramble, especially when I get to writing about several topics at once. Please excuse the randomness, and feel free to contact me with any questions or comments regarding this letter. My contact info is at the bottom.
Our mission is to share God’s love to our world by showing it through the way we live, in the things we do and say, and through the way we give, of ourselves, our time, our finances, talents, etc. We are called to be the Hands and Feet of Christ. He came to love, and we are to follow in His footsteps.
The purpose of this ministry is to help alleviate some of the burden that people in our community face on a daily basis, whatever form it may take. It could mean supporting local homeless shelters, food banks, goodwill organizations, etc. or it could be something completely new and different. Wherever God is leading us is where we need to go. If there is not currently an organization that covers these things, we should start one. Whatever the need, we are here to help fill it. It may be through donations of money, time, material goods, services, cooking and delivering food, or any manner of things. The point is, that as God’s people, we are to look out for those around us. Lots of these people may not even know God, and we may be the only example of Jesus that they see. But He said, ‘If you did any of these things to the least of these, you did them to me.’ In reality, we are all the ‘least of these.’ God has brought each one of us through some pretty terrible times, and not one of us deserves it. We could very easily be in the same position as any one of these people, except that we all have people to whom we can turn. These people in need, lots of them have no family or friends to turn to, and nowhere to go. The only home they have is what they can carry down the streets. This simply isn’t right. Something must be done about their situations.
Of course it would be foolish to say that we will totally obliterate poverty and homelessness throughout the world, or even throughout this area. But this is clearly our goal, nonetheless. The foolish part is in thinking that we can do this on our own. Even if we can’t reach the whole world, we can reach OUR world. And if other people will rise up to this challenge and reach THEIR world, then pretty soon the whole world will be reached. We need to dream big, but start small. As Mother Teresa said, “If you can’t feed 100, feed just one.” That is where we must start. There really is no point for us to assume we can take care of some far-off city’s struggles, when our own community is victim to these same things. We need to start at home, where we are. This is the best way for us to be effective in helping others. We are reasonably settled and comfortable here, for the most part. There’s no need to move this ministry outside our immediate community. There are plenty of needy people right here in our hometown. Eventually, we hope to spread this ministry as far as God will carry it, hopefully to the ends of the Earth.
This is a calling God has placed on my heart personally, and I don’t expect everyone else to share in this same passion. But some of you will, or may know someone who will want to help. Lots of us can ask, ‘How can I help anyone if I am barely scraping by?’ I can certainly ask this question. Naturally, the first response is to assess our personal financial situation, determining whether we have enough extra to give and still live comfortably, not really affecting our overall financial status. But this is not really giving in love. This is us caring enough to say ‘God bless you’ or ‘I hope everything turns out okay,’ but not really caring enough to actually DO something about their struggle. I wish God would place such a burden on our hearts that we could no longer bear to live this way. That from now on, WE would take charge and say ‘I know something needs to be done. I know you’re hurting, and I really want to help, even if no one else will.’ And most of the time, this is the case. If we don’t reach out and be that help, who will? Should we allow the government to shoulder the responsibility that God has placed on us? If the government were functioning under God’s direction, they would be taking care of these things. But this isn’t reality. Reality comes at you every morning with a smack to the head saying ‘How am I going to pay the bills that are already overdue, while managing to survive long enough to see the next batch of them come in?’ maybe this isn’t the case with you, but it certainly is reality for a lot of us. We feel limited in or ability to help, because we have nothing to offer, nothing to give. So we don’t, and the cycle continues. Some of us may well be on the verge of needing the very same assistance, so how could we possibly be of any benefit to someone else? But the truth is, we all have something to give, and most of the time it has nothing to do with money. Sure, money is essential in a material world, but thank God we don’t operate on finance alone. We all have unique abilities or gifts that God has graciously shared with us, and He has done so not for us to hoard them to ourselves or our families. These things have been given to us in order that we might share them with others, thereby fulfilling God’s intended purpose for such gifts, drawing closer to Him and to others by surrendering these gifts to His use, and ultimately in bringing glory to God.
God loves each and every one of us equally, but uniquely. There is nothing we can do to make Him love us more, or less. His love is perfect, unconditional, never-changing, never-ending, and never less than everything we need. This is a tough concept to grasp, as our first instinct is bent on self-preservation and survival, whether it focuses on us, our spouse, or our children. But we are children of God, called to live as He lives, to love as He loves. We must all overcome our personal will and selfish pride in order to really live in God’s love. This is not something we can do on our own, or all at once. Like everything else, it is a process that God will carry us through in His timing, and according to His perfect will. We just have to be willing to surrender everything to Him in order to become the people He has created us to be.
I know I have seemingly strayed far off-subject, but even the tangents are linked to the main idea. In simplest terms, we can boil it all down to one word: LOVE. This is not something we feel, but something we do. This is not something we try to understand, but something we become. God is love, and so we must be love. In order to do this, we must throw off the chains of self that have us all so bound up; we must focus our attention on what God wants us to see. In essence, to see with His eyes. This will help us to love with His heart. God gave us 10 commandments to follow, to draw us closer to Him, and to help us live in peace with our world. Jesus, in all His wisdom, simplified it down to two commands; to love God with ALL our heart, soul, mind, and strength… with everything we are. And to love our neighbors as we love ourselves… placing as much value and priority on others as we do on our own lives and families…
All these commands can be summed up in one word: LOVE. This is what we are to do, all the time, with all we are. This is what we are to be, love… Jesus said that this one word sums up all the law and the prophets; that it would not replace the law, but fulfill it; that there is no law against it; and that there is no greater love than to sacrifice yourself for the benefit of someone else, to ‘lay down your life for your friends.’ He demonstrated this love by personally taking responsibility for all of us, for all the wrongs we have done and will do… and HE didn’t do anything wrong at all!
The love Jesus speaks of is AGAPE, the selfless, sacrificial love that places others above ourselves. As His followers, we are ultimately heading toward this destination. Every day that we surrender our will to His will brings us one step closer to the perfect love that God is, and that we are called to be.
I know I’ve said a lot without really saying much; but there really is a method to this madness. I don’t know where each of you are in your personal commitment to such a ministry, but I feel it is paramount to get the message on my heart out to each of you in order that we may bring about some Christ-like change to our community. This is definitely something on my heart, and I thank God for each one who feels a similar calling, who is willing to step up and help me. This is a huge undertaking, and there is no way I can handle it on my own. But I have spoken to several of you so far, and everyone has responded with very positive and encouraging words. Thank you so much. Now is the hard part. We need to develop some sort of plan on how to actually help this community (the people I mean, not the town). I am always open to suggestions, and actually look forward to any input you may have. I ask that each of us will take this matter to God, and seek His plan for it. We may all have great ideas, but if it’s not in His will, it won’t succeed.
Anyway, I guess the best thing to do right now is make some sort of outline, expressing the intentions of this ministry, which has yet to be named. I have a few ideas, but haven’t settled on any one just yet. As I develop them more I will share them with you. Some names I’ve been tossing around are:
Hands And Feet
Live Love
29:11 (Hope & a Future)
Live Love
29:11 (Hope & a Future)
As I mentioned, I am totally up for any ideas that will bring about God’s glory through this. I will take all the help I can get. God bless each one of you. I look forward to working with you in making a difference in this community.
Objectives:
- To share the love of God with less-fortunate people in our community
- To provide these people with the things they need in order to have normal, healthy lives
- To draw those in need, as well as ourselves, closer to God through the experience of living out His love
- To actually make an impact on our community in a way that honors Christ and brings Him glory
How we go about these things will vary from day to day, I’m sure. The point is to open our eyes to the needs around us, and to do everything we can to help fill these needs, whatever they may be. Whatever it takes. To get to the ends of the Earth, we have to start right here. Let us say, ‘Here am I. Send me.’ Let us live love…
Jason Grimm
276-920-1405
Thursday, November 19, 2009
Burden the Sky
Burden the Sky... this is one of those profound, possibly life-changing revelations that wake you up in the middle of REM sleep (which, contrary to popular belief, i can enter almost immediately upon closing my eyes). That is exactly what happened. i had just drifted off to sleep for a few seconds, and i was immediately awakened with this phrase coming out of my mouth. i'm sure there was more to it in my sleep than i can remember, but the phrase itself has stuck with me, branding its home in the back of my mind... and i guess that's the most important part. i heard someone say that if you can't remember your dreams, it probably wasn't God talking to you. all i can remember is 'burden the sky.' i don't fully understand the meaning yet. don't know if it was a command, or some sort of mission i'm to complete, or just a cool name for a band or ministry... who knows? it could become the focus of my entire life...
in thinking on this, trying to decipher some relevance and meaning before i totally forgot the idea, a couple sccenarios or images came to mind. one thing really struck me in church this week when the pastor was praying for God to 'put the full weight of Heaven' behind the sermon. i was immediately distracted by the phrase he used, which i had heard plenty of times before. this time though, my visual brain, whatever side it was on that morning, started picturing things related to the full weight of Heaven. i saw all this heaviness, which i guess could be God's glory or His love for us, just pressing down on the Earth, kind of like placing something in a bench clamp. it was almost like the earth had a little emoticon saying 'this is too much pressure. i'm going to be crushed.' it was also a lot like the process of coal being formed into diamond; such relentless pressure and high heat... really brings up a lot of ideas of how God may be using us to change the face of the world.
another concept is from the other direction, with God's people offering up their praise and prayers to Him, almost as if the sky were acting as mediator between us and God... of course, this is not true. Christ is our Mediator, and our only way to the Father. so, the sky is receiving all this pressure from above and below, all the while still maintaining its status as our protector, shielding us from all the 'bad' things that could harm us, whether they take the form of UV rays, extreme heat, attacks from the enemy, or the wrath of God himself. Christ is our spiritual sky, and he has already bore our burdens. in this regard, we do burden the Sky. and in the same way, we are to continue to do so, by lifting up our praise and prayers; though this is a burden i know He will gladly bear as our Intercessor.
there are many more ideas i would like to discuss on this subject, but i'd rather not ramble. if anyone out there has an idea or a comment, feel free to post it. let us continue in God's love, encouraging and building one another up. let us live out the lives He has called us to. let us burden the sky. God bless.
in thinking on this, trying to decipher some relevance and meaning before i totally forgot the idea, a couple sccenarios or images came to mind. one thing really struck me in church this week when the pastor was praying for God to 'put the full weight of Heaven' behind the sermon. i was immediately distracted by the phrase he used, which i had heard plenty of times before. this time though, my visual brain, whatever side it was on that morning, started picturing things related to the full weight of Heaven. i saw all this heaviness, which i guess could be God's glory or His love for us, just pressing down on the Earth, kind of like placing something in a bench clamp. it was almost like the earth had a little emoticon saying 'this is too much pressure. i'm going to be crushed.' it was also a lot like the process of coal being formed into diamond; such relentless pressure and high heat... really brings up a lot of ideas of how God may be using us to change the face of the world.
another concept is from the other direction, with God's people offering up their praise and prayers to Him, almost as if the sky were acting as mediator between us and God... of course, this is not true. Christ is our Mediator, and our only way to the Father. so, the sky is receiving all this pressure from above and below, all the while still maintaining its status as our protector, shielding us from all the 'bad' things that could harm us, whether they take the form of UV rays, extreme heat, attacks from the enemy, or the wrath of God himself. Christ is our spiritual sky, and he has already bore our burdens. in this regard, we do burden the Sky. and in the same way, we are to continue to do so, by lifting up our praise and prayers; though this is a burden i know He will gladly bear as our Intercessor.
there are many more ideas i would like to discuss on this subject, but i'd rather not ramble. if anyone out there has an idea or a comment, feel free to post it. let us continue in God's love, encouraging and building one another up. let us live out the lives He has called us to. let us burden the sky. God bless.
Wednesday, October 21, 2009
From Loneliness To Love
"Loneliness is a condition of human life, an experience of being human which enables the individual to sustain, extend, and deepen his humanity. Man is ultimately and forever lonely whether his loneliness is the exquisite pain of the individual living in isolation or illness, the sense of absence caused by a loved one's death, or the piercing joy experienced in triumphant creation. I believe it is necessary for every person to recognize his loneliness, to become intensely aware that, ultimately, in every fibre of his being, man is alone - terribly, utterly alone" - Clark Moustakas (Loneliness, p. ix)
I must agree with this statement. All but the last sentence, anyway. We are alone. Though we may share our hearts and our very lives with another, or several others, at the end of the day, we are left alone to ourselves. I'm sure all of us have experienced the feeling of being 'lost in a crowd.' The sense of being alone, even though you're in a room filled with other people. Could it be that all these other people are feeling the same loneliness? I believe so. We are created to need companionship, in one form or another. Genesis 2:18 says: The LORD God said, "It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him." We weren't made to be alone, or to be lonely. God created us for community. When we struggle with the lack of community, it leaves a deep void in our inner man. We may try to fill this void with other things, or even with other people. That's not to say that these are bad things. But nothing can perfectly fill the void in our hearts like the love of God, through our relationship with Jesus. Nothing else can even compare to this great love. Left to our own devices, we are doomed to a life of searching for something greater. Always seeking, never finding what satisfies. God loves family. He loves relationship. He is a very personal, one-on-one being, and we are created in His image. This may sound paradoxical given that His love is also broad enough to fill the void simultaneously in every other person in the earth. But that is who God is. He doesn't have to play by our rules. We don't have to understand Him to make Him a reality. In fact, if we could understand Him, there would be no reason for us to follow Him; no reason for us to need Him. Once we get to the point of figuring something out, it becomes limited. We unlock all its mysteries. We become bigger than it, in a sense. Its value lessens due to the fact that we have have reduced it to something so easily contained within the confines of our limited intelligence. There is no respect for something of this nature. Thank God He is bigger than that! He is uncontainable, uncontrollable, undeniable, unimaginable. We believe, in our limitation, that we can define God, the Creator and definer of everything in existence. God is unlimited, and we are very limited, even incapable of realizing just how limited we are. Psalm 139 illustrates this particularly well, along with the immeasurable love that God has toward each one of us.
Romans 11:34 For who has known the mind of the Lord, or who became his counselor?
1 Corinthians 2:16 For who has known the mind of the Lord? But we have the mind of Christ.
If you've spent more than five minutes with me, in conversation, or in reading my words, you have noticed that I sometimes ramble on endless tangents. That being said, What does any of this have to do with being lonely? Well, to sum it all up, based on what I have already written, we are not meant to be lonely. But we all have felt this way. Some of us may be feeling this right now. Elijah felt this way immediately following one of his strongest spiritual victories. We are all vulnerable to loneliness. To some of us, it is a very real, very constant companion. What a terrible thing, only to be comforted by your own loneliness. God has Himself felt this loneliness; that's the reason He created us. So He would have someone to love, and someone who would willingly love Him in return. We love Him because He first loved us. But loneliness, as I mentioned, is very real. It is in these times that we grow weak; in these times that we must rely on God even more than usual. God will never leave us lonely. He will be our constant Comforter, Companion, and best Friend. But we must let Him be these things in our lives. He will not force Himself upon us. He will not make us love Him. He wants us to come to Him in ourselves. In our desperation. In our loneliness. He will be our comfort and our strength. He loves us immeasurably. Let us allow Him to fill that void in our hearts, as only He can. We were made with an innate need to be loved, to be part of someone, something greater than ourselves. Greater than anything this world can offer. We were not made to be lonely. We were made to be loved.
I must agree with this statement. All but the last sentence, anyway. We are alone. Though we may share our hearts and our very lives with another, or several others, at the end of the day, we are left alone to ourselves. I'm sure all of us have experienced the feeling of being 'lost in a crowd.' The sense of being alone, even though you're in a room filled with other people. Could it be that all these other people are feeling the same loneliness? I believe so. We are created to need companionship, in one form or another. Genesis 2:18 says: The LORD God said, "It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him." We weren't made to be alone, or to be lonely. God created us for community. When we struggle with the lack of community, it leaves a deep void in our inner man. We may try to fill this void with other things, or even with other people. That's not to say that these are bad things. But nothing can perfectly fill the void in our hearts like the love of God, through our relationship with Jesus. Nothing else can even compare to this great love. Left to our own devices, we are doomed to a life of searching for something greater. Always seeking, never finding what satisfies. God loves family. He loves relationship. He is a very personal, one-on-one being, and we are created in His image. This may sound paradoxical given that His love is also broad enough to fill the void simultaneously in every other person in the earth. But that is who God is. He doesn't have to play by our rules. We don't have to understand Him to make Him a reality. In fact, if we could understand Him, there would be no reason for us to follow Him; no reason for us to need Him. Once we get to the point of figuring something out, it becomes limited. We unlock all its mysteries. We become bigger than it, in a sense. Its value lessens due to the fact that we have have reduced it to something so easily contained within the confines of our limited intelligence. There is no respect for something of this nature. Thank God He is bigger than that! He is uncontainable, uncontrollable, undeniable, unimaginable. We believe, in our limitation, that we can define God, the Creator and definer of everything in existence. God is unlimited, and we are very limited, even incapable of realizing just how limited we are. Psalm 139 illustrates this particularly well, along with the immeasurable love that God has toward each one of us.
Romans 11:34 For who has known the mind of the Lord, or who became his counselor?
1 Corinthians 2:16 For who has known the mind of the Lord? But we have the mind of Christ.
If you've spent more than five minutes with me, in conversation, or in reading my words, you have noticed that I sometimes ramble on endless tangents. That being said, What does any of this have to do with being lonely? Well, to sum it all up, based on what I have already written, we are not meant to be lonely. But we all have felt this way. Some of us may be feeling this right now. Elijah felt this way immediately following one of his strongest spiritual victories. We are all vulnerable to loneliness. To some of us, it is a very real, very constant companion. What a terrible thing, only to be comforted by your own loneliness. God has Himself felt this loneliness; that's the reason He created us. So He would have someone to love, and someone who would willingly love Him in return. We love Him because He first loved us. But loneliness, as I mentioned, is very real. It is in these times that we grow weak; in these times that we must rely on God even more than usual. God will never leave us lonely. He will be our constant Comforter, Companion, and best Friend. But we must let Him be these things in our lives. He will not force Himself upon us. He will not make us love Him. He wants us to come to Him in ourselves. In our desperation. In our loneliness. He will be our comfort and our strength. He loves us immeasurably. Let us allow Him to fill that void in our hearts, as only He can. We were made with an innate need to be loved, to be part of someone, something greater than ourselves. Greater than anything this world can offer. We were not made to be lonely. We were made to be loved.
Relevance - Revealed
I was just listening to this cd, and realized that so many of the things I'm dealing with right now are conveniently and accurately expressed within its songs. This is an excerpt from one of these songs. Check out How Can We Be Silent by BarlowGirl.
"Keep Quiet" - BarlowGirl -
All the things I've sacrificed, so that I could bring You to this world. I want them to see You in me. But Your name just keeps them far from me. So I'll keep quiet. Let's hope they see I'm different.
Jesus, Jesus, why is Your name so offensive? Why are we so scared to tell this world You've saved us? When all of the hope of the world is in Your name, why are we so scared to say "Jesus"?
If I avoid to speak Your name, tell me would You do the same to me? If relevance becomes my goal, will I lose You to its hold?
I'm sorry I cared about my name more than Yours. I'm so sorry. How could I hide You anymore...
But if I keep quiet - They'll never see I'm different...
_________________________________________________________
In dealing with our relevance in this world, and in whatever ministry we're called to, we must be sure to keep our focus on Jesus, the source of our strength. We can be doing so many things for God that we forget about doing them with God. It is so easy to get caught up in the busyness we feel obligated to manage, that we can lose touch with Him. Our relationship with Jesus must be paramount in our lives. He must always be front and center in our focus. He must always have the best seat in the house of our hearts. But not just in our hearts. He must have total control of our entire lives. Surrendering that control is the hardest part, as we are perfectly flawed with the in-born desire to control the world around us, and especially in us. In order to achieve all the great things God has promised us, or called us to, we have to surrender everything in our being to His perfect will. Only in this surrender we will ever find any semblance of control over these things. I know this doesn't make sense by the world's thinking, but we are not of this world. Our minds are being transformed and renewed through our relationship with Jesus Christ. In order for us to live in this transformation, to have the 'mind of Christ,' we have to have a serious relationship with Him. Our relationship with Christ must be the only thing we could never go without, because, in reality, it is the only thing that is truly relevant. All our other relationships, our families, our careers, ministries, whatever. Everything else is irrelevant in the light of Christ. I'm not saying these things are unimportant, because God has richly blessed us with these people, opportunities, and things. But He is a jealous God. He will not settle for second place. He wants us to live a life relevant, to make a difference for Him in this world; to share the love that He has so graciously poured out on us... This is a big challenge, but thankfully we are not left to our own strength in this. God has promised to never leave or forsake us. If He has given us a mission, He will walk us through it. All He wants from us is a willing heart, submitted to His will, which is the essence of His love. God will get His work done with or without us. But He has called us out by name. It's pretty obvious that He wants to do this with us. His love draws us to Him. He just wants us to love Him in return, with everything we are. He wants us to LIVE LOVE.
"Keep Quiet" - BarlowGirl -
All the things I've sacrificed, so that I could bring You to this world. I want them to see You in me. But Your name just keeps them far from me. So I'll keep quiet. Let's hope they see I'm different.
Jesus, Jesus, why is Your name so offensive? Why are we so scared to tell this world You've saved us? When all of the hope of the world is in Your name, why are we so scared to say "Jesus"?
If I avoid to speak Your name, tell me would You do the same to me? If relevance becomes my goal, will I lose You to its hold?
I'm sorry I cared about my name more than Yours. I'm so sorry. How could I hide You anymore...
But if I keep quiet - They'll never see I'm different...
_________________________________________________________
In dealing with our relevance in this world, and in whatever ministry we're called to, we must be sure to keep our focus on Jesus, the source of our strength. We can be doing so many things for God that we forget about doing them with God. It is so easy to get caught up in the busyness we feel obligated to manage, that we can lose touch with Him. Our relationship with Jesus must be paramount in our lives. He must always be front and center in our focus. He must always have the best seat in the house of our hearts. But not just in our hearts. He must have total control of our entire lives. Surrendering that control is the hardest part, as we are perfectly flawed with the in-born desire to control the world around us, and especially in us. In order to achieve all the great things God has promised us, or called us to, we have to surrender everything in our being to His perfect will. Only in this surrender we will ever find any semblance of control over these things. I know this doesn't make sense by the world's thinking, but we are not of this world. Our minds are being transformed and renewed through our relationship with Jesus Christ. In order for us to live in this transformation, to have the 'mind of Christ,' we have to have a serious relationship with Him. Our relationship with Christ must be the only thing we could never go without, because, in reality, it is the only thing that is truly relevant. All our other relationships, our families, our careers, ministries, whatever. Everything else is irrelevant in the light of Christ. I'm not saying these things are unimportant, because God has richly blessed us with these people, opportunities, and things. But He is a jealous God. He will not settle for second place. He wants us to live a life relevant, to make a difference for Him in this world; to share the love that He has so graciously poured out on us... This is a big challenge, but thankfully we are not left to our own strength in this. God has promised to never leave or forsake us. If He has given us a mission, He will walk us through it. All He wants from us is a willing heart, submitted to His will, which is the essence of His love. God will get His work done with or without us. But He has called us out by name. It's pretty obvious that He wants to do this with us. His love draws us to Him. He just wants us to love Him in return, with everything we are. He wants us to LIVE LOVE.
Thursday, October 15, 2009
rELevant - part 2 - RUNN
RUNN - Rise Up. Now or Never
The truth is painful to take in sometimes, especially when it is uncomfortable or inconvenient. But ir is there, nonetheless. It is real. And we have to come face to face whit it every day in one form or another. This is where it gets uncomfortable, when we can non loner hide blindly from it; when our 'ignorance is bliss' facade is torn away, and the harsh reality is revealed. It is then that we face a decision. What will we do with this new-found truth? One way or another, we must make a decision. We must decide to run, even if we remain still. We will run as a result of this revelation. But that is not the decision we face. We must decide which way to run. Will we run from the truth, ignoring it in hopes that it will go away? Or will we run with the truth? Will we embrace it wholeheartedly, doing everything in our power to correct the injustice around us? Will we be more than mere watchmen, actually rising to the occasion in a united effort to help? Let us then choose to run with this truth. Let us reach out to those whose circumstances, whatever they may be, have left them in a less-than-fortunate state. Everyone can somehow help, and everyone may some day need that same help. Let us run together. Alone we are hopeless, but together we will make a difference. NOW IS DAY ONE. ONE DAY IS NOW. Let us no longer be content in our personal space. Let us throw aside our comfort zones and pick up some sacrifice in place. Don't allow this suffering to continue on your watch by simply ignoring it. Don't think someone else will take care of this need. Don't say you would love to help, but can't find the time. Or the money. Or whatever. God is not concerned with those things. He only wants us to have a heart willing to help. Willing to put our own agendas on the back burner for the benefit of someone else. Jesus said "Whenever you do these things to the least of these, you do them unto me." Remember the Golden Rule: "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you." These aren't just happy little sayings, or fortune-cookie proverbs. This is real life, the way it is supposed to be lived. If we don't rise up, who will? Jesus also said "To whom much is given, much is expected." Remember the parable of the talents? We should be striving to be the one who was given most. Not because we want more than our fair share from God, and not because we expect a greater reward. We should want to live this way because of what Jesus did for us, and because the love of God compels us so. Many times I've heard 'I'll get around to it,' or 'One day I'll do something.' I am telling you that if you have that sort of mentality, you'll never get anything done. 'One day' will never get here. And I'm not saying any of this to discourage you. Rather, I'm trying to share this same passion and burden that God has placed in my heart with those of you who are willing and ready. The day you're looking for is not lurking off somewhere in the distant future. It is right in front of your very eyes. ONE DAY IS NOW. This is the time when a difference will be made. Let us make a difference. Starting today, ask yourself 'What can I do to help someone less fortunate than me?' or 'How can I be a part of this ministry to help make a difference in my community?' or even better, ask God what He would have you do. Pray on this. Meditate over it. Seek God's will, and then do what you can to make it happen. Pray for us, that we may be focused and centered in God's will, at the very least. This is not something one person can take on alone. That is not what God expects. He does, however, expect us to follow His command to love, in every form. He does expect us to put petty differences aside and unite in brotherly love. And He does expect us to share this love with the people around us, whether they're just across the street or just across the globe. We are the people of God. God is love. Therefore, we are to be people of love. The time is here. The time is right. ONE DAY IS NOW, and NOW IS DAY ONE. Let us make a difference. Let us make the world a better place. Let us start today... God bless...
The truth is painful to take in sometimes, especially when it is uncomfortable or inconvenient. But ir is there, nonetheless. It is real. And we have to come face to face whit it every day in one form or another. This is where it gets uncomfortable, when we can non loner hide blindly from it; when our 'ignorance is bliss' facade is torn away, and the harsh reality is revealed. It is then that we face a decision. What will we do with this new-found truth? One way or another, we must make a decision. We must decide to run, even if we remain still. We will run as a result of this revelation. But that is not the decision we face. We must decide which way to run. Will we run from the truth, ignoring it in hopes that it will go away? Or will we run with the truth? Will we embrace it wholeheartedly, doing everything in our power to correct the injustice around us? Will we be more than mere watchmen, actually rising to the occasion in a united effort to help? Let us then choose to run with this truth. Let us reach out to those whose circumstances, whatever they may be, have left them in a less-than-fortunate state. Everyone can somehow help, and everyone may some day need that same help. Let us run together. Alone we are hopeless, but together we will make a difference. NOW IS DAY ONE. ONE DAY IS NOW. Let us no longer be content in our personal space. Let us throw aside our comfort zones and pick up some sacrifice in place. Don't allow this suffering to continue on your watch by simply ignoring it. Don't think someone else will take care of this need. Don't say you would love to help, but can't find the time. Or the money. Or whatever. God is not concerned with those things. He only wants us to have a heart willing to help. Willing to put our own agendas on the back burner for the benefit of someone else. Jesus said "Whenever you do these things to the least of these, you do them unto me." Remember the Golden Rule: "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you." These aren't just happy little sayings, or fortune-cookie proverbs. This is real life, the way it is supposed to be lived. If we don't rise up, who will? Jesus also said "To whom much is given, much is expected." Remember the parable of the talents? We should be striving to be the one who was given most. Not because we want more than our fair share from God, and not because we expect a greater reward. We should want to live this way because of what Jesus did for us, and because the love of God compels us so. Many times I've heard 'I'll get around to it,' or 'One day I'll do something.' I am telling you that if you have that sort of mentality, you'll never get anything done. 'One day' will never get here. And I'm not saying any of this to discourage you. Rather, I'm trying to share this same passion and burden that God has placed in my heart with those of you who are willing and ready. The day you're looking for is not lurking off somewhere in the distant future. It is right in front of your very eyes. ONE DAY IS NOW. This is the time when a difference will be made. Let us make a difference. Starting today, ask yourself 'What can I do to help someone less fortunate than me?' or 'How can I be a part of this ministry to help make a difference in my community?' or even better, ask God what He would have you do. Pray on this. Meditate over it. Seek God's will, and then do what you can to make it happen. Pray for us, that we may be focused and centered in God's will, at the very least. This is not something one person can take on alone. That is not what God expects. He does, however, expect us to follow His command to love, in every form. He does expect us to put petty differences aside and unite in brotherly love. And He does expect us to share this love with the people around us, whether they're just across the street or just across the globe. We are the people of God. God is love. Therefore, we are to be people of love. The time is here. The time is right. ONE DAY IS NOW, and NOW IS DAY ONE. Let us make a difference. Let us make the world a better place. Let us start today... God bless...
Conversations With God - Part 2 - Response
(You have chased me down o God. You have cornered me on every side. You say to me):
I will love you. Whether you want it or not. Whether you like it or not. Whether you deserve it or not.I will love you because I AM love. My love is perfect.Forever. For YOU. Who are you, o man, to stand in the way of my love? How can you, whom I've created with my hands, deny me? How can you deny my nature? I created nature. From nothing, everything came to be, by the words of my mouth. All I have made is made for you. All my creation pales in comparison to you, the one I love. You are my favored creation. I WILL love you. I AM love... Know me... Before anything was, I AM.
I will love you. Whether you want it or not. Whether you like it or not. Whether you deserve it or not.I will love you because I AM love. My love is perfect.Forever. For YOU. Who are you, o man, to stand in the way of my love? How can you, whom I've created with my hands, deny me? How can you deny my nature? I created nature. From nothing, everything came to be, by the words of my mouth. All I have made is made for you. All my creation pales in comparison to you, the one I love. You are my favored creation. I WILL love you. I AM love... Know me... Before anything was, I AM.
Conversations With God - Part 1 - Call
my soul thirsts for You all the day long. how endless is Your love for me. you pursue me like a fire. though i run You are in front of me. when i turn to flee Youare behind me. You surround me on all sides. though i chase You with my whole being, You are already there. my heart longs for Your presence. i want to dwell in the secret place of Your heart. surround me, o God. You are the Holy of Holies. all praise be to You forever. what can contain You? shall a temple of earth built by the hands of men? can the creation build a cage for his Creator? You are uncontainable. This is Your love. So as Your love is, You remain also. perfect. fearless. endless. forever is Your love for me o God. what choice do i have but to love You? even in the shadow of death i will praise You. You are holy. You are righteous and just. Your love pursues me restlessly, with a passion the world, nay, all of creation cannot contain. forever is Your love for me o God.
Wednesday, October 14, 2009
Random Thoughts On Self-Awareness
(These thoughts are not entirely my own. I did think of them, and from that it's obvious that they are my thoughts. But the basis for these thoughts comes from a character in a book I'm trying to write. I just thought it would make for some interesting reading. Enjoy.)
I don’t think I’m a very religious man, by conventional terms. No… You know what? Never mind that. I am a very religious man. I always have been. Even though I don’t prescribe to a certain set of beliefs… Wrong again… I do have certain beliefs that are at the very core of me. Beliefs that are essentially inseparable from who I am. And these core beliefs govern my every action; my every thought, even. For what is action but thought propelled by thought? And what is thought but anticipation of the outcome of an action? Of course not every thought can be said to have a resulting action. Some thoughts are just thoughts. But every thought has the potential to become an action, thus becoming a kinetic energy. A mini-lesson in Elementary Physics, if you will. Certain expectations can be made of the resulting effects of our decision-making, based on our knowledge of similar past decisions. This is a learning process ingrained in, no, entrusted to us at birth. We make a decision. We see the result. We make a different decision. We see a different result. It’s almost as if God were giving us a little teaser into the future. What a precious gift! But who among us has ever thought such thoughts? It’s only been since my awakening that I even entertain such thoughts as this. I find them new and fascinating. I take joy in the fact that I am somehow intrigued by the menial, often overlooked thoughts that we all have every day. If only we could all have such an awakening. Except for the killing and the memory loss and the never-having-had-a-life-to-call-my-own parts, of course. I guess we all have our own little story. I just hope everyone else's is easier to tell. Nevertheless, we have all participated in more than our share of evil, whether willingly, unwillingly, or even unknowingly. None of us is perfect. None of us ever can be. None of us is right in our self…
Self… That’s another one of those things I’ve recently become terribly aware of. In fact, I can’t escape from this awareness. It chases me down tirelessly, like a Bloodhound on the scent of a murderer. Such a fitting analogy makes me laugh at myself a little… Is this a mild schizophrenia, or simply gross humor? It is this same self-awareness is also responsible for the guilt I constantly feel. Guilt is a feeling, sometimes a thought. But it is one that requires action nonetheless. From this requirement stem a few options, only one of which I can choose. Of these options, the one I choose should ultimately reflect my religious beliefs and/or values. And since these same values are the blueprint for my decision-making life, the unwavering moral code I live by, one could suggest that the decision has already been made, even before the former action that required a decision ever took place. Basically, my past directs my future. It’s a vicious cycle of perpetual tail-chasing, hoping that someday, somehow the head can look back at the tail and laugh at where it has been. The paradox of the matter is simply that the head could never turn to look at the tail because the tail is always outrunning head. Even though the head is the one with the decision-making power, it is constantly at the whim of the tail, in a relentless battle of stubborn will and blind ambition versus the faithful follower of cause and effect.
The point I’m trying to make is, simply, in order to break free from the past and the evils that beset us, we must first open our eyes to the very same thing we’re running from. Learn from the past. Take everything you can get from it, to be used to your advantage at an appropriate time. Learn all you can about all you are, and then completely turn your back to it. The momentum of your past should be an effective enough instrument for its own self-destruction. To defeat your enemy, you must know your enemy. To know your enemy, you must know yourself. Let the very weapons that the enemy fashioned against you be used to his own destruction. In this way, the apprentice becomes the master in order to defeat the master, to become his own master. I’m not advocating any sort of self-mutilation or suicidal behavior. In fact, that would be completely off target from what I’m really trying to say… Let nothing surprise you but the lack of surprise… But who am I to talk? I’m only talking to myself, after all.
(As I mentioned before, these are character thoughts, not necessarily my own. The thought process is my own, but the thoughts themselves are coming from the mind of a fictional character. One with a very questionable moral history, filled with violence and death. Ultimately it's the same story we all tell. It's just fabricated in such a way as to be captivating, and hopefully, inspiring in the end. God bless.).
I don’t think I’m a very religious man, by conventional terms. No… You know what? Never mind that. I am a very religious man. I always have been. Even though I don’t prescribe to a certain set of beliefs… Wrong again… I do have certain beliefs that are at the very core of me. Beliefs that are essentially inseparable from who I am. And these core beliefs govern my every action; my every thought, even. For what is action but thought propelled by thought? And what is thought but anticipation of the outcome of an action? Of course not every thought can be said to have a resulting action. Some thoughts are just thoughts. But every thought has the potential to become an action, thus becoming a kinetic energy. A mini-lesson in Elementary Physics, if you will. Certain expectations can be made of the resulting effects of our decision-making, based on our knowledge of similar past decisions. This is a learning process ingrained in, no, entrusted to us at birth. We make a decision. We see the result. We make a different decision. We see a different result. It’s almost as if God were giving us a little teaser into the future. What a precious gift! But who among us has ever thought such thoughts? It’s only been since my awakening that I even entertain such thoughts as this. I find them new and fascinating. I take joy in the fact that I am somehow intrigued by the menial, often overlooked thoughts that we all have every day. If only we could all have such an awakening. Except for the killing and the memory loss and the never-having-had-a-life-to-call-my-own parts, of course. I guess we all have our own little story. I just hope everyone else's is easier to tell. Nevertheless, we have all participated in more than our share of evil, whether willingly, unwillingly, or even unknowingly. None of us is perfect. None of us ever can be. None of us is right in our self…
Self… That’s another one of those things I’ve recently become terribly aware of. In fact, I can’t escape from this awareness. It chases me down tirelessly, like a Bloodhound on the scent of a murderer. Such a fitting analogy makes me laugh at myself a little… Is this a mild schizophrenia, or simply gross humor? It is this same self-awareness is also responsible for the guilt I constantly feel. Guilt is a feeling, sometimes a thought. But it is one that requires action nonetheless. From this requirement stem a few options, only one of which I can choose. Of these options, the one I choose should ultimately reflect my religious beliefs and/or values. And since these same values are the blueprint for my decision-making life, the unwavering moral code I live by, one could suggest that the decision has already been made, even before the former action that required a decision ever took place. Basically, my past directs my future. It’s a vicious cycle of perpetual tail-chasing, hoping that someday, somehow the head can look back at the tail and laugh at where it has been. The paradox of the matter is simply that the head could never turn to look at the tail because the tail is always outrunning head. Even though the head is the one with the decision-making power, it is constantly at the whim of the tail, in a relentless battle of stubborn will and blind ambition versus the faithful follower of cause and effect.
The point I’m trying to make is, simply, in order to break free from the past and the evils that beset us, we must first open our eyes to the very same thing we’re running from. Learn from the past. Take everything you can get from it, to be used to your advantage at an appropriate time. Learn all you can about all you are, and then completely turn your back to it. The momentum of your past should be an effective enough instrument for its own self-destruction. To defeat your enemy, you must know your enemy. To know your enemy, you must know yourself. Let the very weapons that the enemy fashioned against you be used to his own destruction. In this way, the apprentice becomes the master in order to defeat the master, to become his own master. I’m not advocating any sort of self-mutilation or suicidal behavior. In fact, that would be completely off target from what I’m really trying to say… Let nothing surprise you but the lack of surprise… But who am I to talk? I’m only talking to myself, after all.
(As I mentioned before, these are character thoughts, not necessarily my own. The thought process is my own, but the thoughts themselves are coming from the mind of a fictional character. One with a very questionable moral history, filled with violence and death. Ultimately it's the same story we all tell. It's just fabricated in such a way as to be captivating, and hopefully, inspiring in the end. God bless.).
Thursday, October 8, 2009
rELevant - part 1
relevant:
a: having significant and demonstrable bearing on the matter at hand
b : affording evidence tending to prove or disprove the matter at issue or under discussion
c : having social relevance
similar: crucial to a matter, having a striking appropriateness and pertinence, both to the point and opportune
one question constantly presenting itself to me is 'am i relevant?' i'm not asking this from a hopeless, depressed, nobody-loves-me state. those questions are, in themselves, irrelevant. there is no way to truly achieve a sense of identity, of meaning, outside of Christ. HE is the only thing/one who is ALWAYS relevant. we are lost and hopeless without His presence in our lives. But He has made a way for us to have a meaning and a purpose. to be relevant in this world... making a difference that matters now. a difference that will still matter in generations to come. most people who know me will probably agree with my saying that i've never been the most out-spoken, go-getter kind of guy. in fact, i'm usually the one chosen last, the last to raise my voice; and when i do speak, it's usually folllowed by a 'what?' or 'i can't hear you. talk louder.' and it could be for this very reason, although i'm quite sure there are many others, that i've been feeling such a burden on my heart lately as to the relevance i'm living.
as many of those close to me can attest, i have felt a strong calling into a ministry, particularly the worship leader/ music evangelistic sort. i've been feeling this way for the better part of a year now, so i know it's not a 'phase' sort of thing. most people also know that i'm not usually one to 'lead' anything, and especially in front of a crowd and a microphone... the thought of it used to scare me to death. but that was before God delivered me, setting me free from that paralyzing fear of anyone hearing my singing voice... now i simply don't care... i'm not entirely ready to be that worship leader yet, but God is still training me in the mean time...
which brings me to now. i recently read a book by Stephen Baldwin, titled The Unusual Suspect. he made several great points about the church being detached from society, not like we're better than them, but to the point that we aren't making any difference in the world. at least the western world, anyway. i know we are called to be 'in the world, not of the world,' and we are 'set apart by God for His purpose.' we have to live a life of 'living sacrifice, holy and acceptable before God.' this isn't the same thing as self-righteousness. this is having your eyes opened to the reality that is God; realizing that your life is not about your, that we were 'bought with a price,' that the function of the world is not to provide me with what i want. but the function of my life is to provide the world with what it needs; and that is the love of God. a love that can only really be experienced through a personal, living relationship with Jesus Christ.
When God set me free from the fear of singing, it also came at a price; at a personal cost to me. i can remember when it happened. it was as if God said to me, 'I set you free from this. Now do something with it.' God didn't call me to be a follower, but a leader. this means getting over my own flaws and insecurities about not being good enough. it means stepping out of my comfort zone, and really putting myself out there. God wants all of us to submit to His authority. not from fear, but from love. and in this love we will experience a freedom that all the glory of the world could never offer us. it is in this freedom that i now live, and continue to grow daily. not that i may boast, except in God, the One who set me free. i will continue on this path, and i will continue to be finding freedom. but this freedom can only be found when i completely lose myself to God. when i am completely submissive to His will, His calling on my life. and every one of us is called to this freedom. 'for God did not give us a spirit of fear, but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind.'
This is directed more to those of us who are now walking in freedom, instead of those who haven't yet found it. i'm referring to the Church. the organized Body of Christ. to those who claim the Name of Jesus, regardless of nationality, denomination, or past mistakes. we have done a terrible job, as a whole, in representing the Name of the God we serve. we have let our personal agendas, emotions, philosophies, greed, and simple laziness get in the way, thus negating any good Jesus might have done in His earthly ministry. how many times have we broken His heart, in His name, even?
it's time to make a change. God is raising up a new generation of hard-core, take-no-prisoners believers. and He will do this with or without our help. God doesn't need anything we can offer. He has everything at His disposal. but it is our duty, our obligation, to join Him in this. we are commanded to 'make disciples of all nations.' this isn't called the Great Suggestion, or the Great Idea If You Can Get Around To It... it's the Great Commission. it is a direct order from the throne of the King of the universe to each one of us. we have a job to do, but how are we doing it? are we even getting it done at all?
God is love. but are we? do we exhibit that love on a daily basis? can people tell from miles away that we are walking with Jesus? do we show it in our talk, our actions, our RE-actions? do people see Jesus when they look at us? shouldn't they? it's time for us to step it up, and stop living like the world owes us something. we have possession of the single greatest truth in the history of the universe. why would we not want to share it with everyone we meet? are we afraid they won't like us? are we afraid to hurt their feelings? they KILLED Jesus. of course they're not going to like us. we WILL hurt their feelings. the Word of God is offensive. it forces people to see themselves in the light of a holy God. and none of us can stand in that light, innocent. we are all sinners, doomed to death, and Hell. there, i said it... but the beauty of it is God's grace. it covers our sin. we no longer have to live in defeat, in fear. we are victorious; more than conquerors. that truth alone should set us free to give our lives to God's service. to share the Love that has so graciously saved us. we shouldn't worry about offending people or hurting their feelings. the Spirit of God will be the one doing that, not us. we are just to present the truth to them in a loving, godly way, and then follow through with what it calls us to. we must live a life of love. no one is coming to Christ through our hypocrisy. of course God will still love us and still use us even in our mistakes, but it makes it really hard on the people He is trying to reach. we need to get out of His way. He can take care of them just as well as He takes care of us.
that's not to say we should forget about them in their needs. We are His hands and His feet. We are the continuation of Christ's ministry on Earth. we must love as He loves, and give as He gives. we must live as He lives. it is a sacrifice. otherwise Jesus wouldn't have said 'take up your cross and follow me.' he would have said something like, 'get in your comfy new SUV and follow your GPS to where you think i want you to be.' but He was very explicit in His directions. and He lived it out as well. not only do we have the written instructions from His mouth, but we have a living example. he showed us how to live., but how many of us are really living it?
to be continued...
a: having significant and demonstrable bearing on the matter at hand
b : affording evidence tending to prove or disprove the matter at issue or under discussion
c : having social relevance
similar: crucial to a matter, having a striking appropriateness and pertinence, both to the point and opportune
one question constantly presenting itself to me is 'am i relevant?' i'm not asking this from a hopeless, depressed, nobody-loves-me state. those questions are, in themselves, irrelevant. there is no way to truly achieve a sense of identity, of meaning, outside of Christ. HE is the only thing/one who is ALWAYS relevant. we are lost and hopeless without His presence in our lives. But He has made a way for us to have a meaning and a purpose. to be relevant in this world... making a difference that matters now. a difference that will still matter in generations to come. most people who know me will probably agree with my saying that i've never been the most out-spoken, go-getter kind of guy. in fact, i'm usually the one chosen last, the last to raise my voice; and when i do speak, it's usually folllowed by a 'what?' or 'i can't hear you. talk louder.' and it could be for this very reason, although i'm quite sure there are many others, that i've been feeling such a burden on my heart lately as to the relevance i'm living.
as many of those close to me can attest, i have felt a strong calling into a ministry, particularly the worship leader/ music evangelistic sort. i've been feeling this way for the better part of a year now, so i know it's not a 'phase' sort of thing. most people also know that i'm not usually one to 'lead' anything, and especially in front of a crowd and a microphone... the thought of it used to scare me to death. but that was before God delivered me, setting me free from that paralyzing fear of anyone hearing my singing voice... now i simply don't care... i'm not entirely ready to be that worship leader yet, but God is still training me in the mean time...
which brings me to now. i recently read a book by Stephen Baldwin, titled The Unusual Suspect. he made several great points about the church being detached from society, not like we're better than them, but to the point that we aren't making any difference in the world. at least the western world, anyway. i know we are called to be 'in the world, not of the world,' and we are 'set apart by God for His purpose.' we have to live a life of 'living sacrifice, holy and acceptable before God.' this isn't the same thing as self-righteousness. this is having your eyes opened to the reality that is God; realizing that your life is not about your, that we were 'bought with a price,' that the function of the world is not to provide me with what i want. but the function of my life is to provide the world with what it needs; and that is the love of God. a love that can only really be experienced through a personal, living relationship with Jesus Christ.
When God set me free from the fear of singing, it also came at a price; at a personal cost to me. i can remember when it happened. it was as if God said to me, 'I set you free from this. Now do something with it.' God didn't call me to be a follower, but a leader. this means getting over my own flaws and insecurities about not being good enough. it means stepping out of my comfort zone, and really putting myself out there. God wants all of us to submit to His authority. not from fear, but from love. and in this love we will experience a freedom that all the glory of the world could never offer us. it is in this freedom that i now live, and continue to grow daily. not that i may boast, except in God, the One who set me free. i will continue on this path, and i will continue to be finding freedom. but this freedom can only be found when i completely lose myself to God. when i am completely submissive to His will, His calling on my life. and every one of us is called to this freedom. 'for God did not give us a spirit of fear, but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind.'
This is directed more to those of us who are now walking in freedom, instead of those who haven't yet found it. i'm referring to the Church. the organized Body of Christ. to those who claim the Name of Jesus, regardless of nationality, denomination, or past mistakes. we have done a terrible job, as a whole, in representing the Name of the God we serve. we have let our personal agendas, emotions, philosophies, greed, and simple laziness get in the way, thus negating any good Jesus might have done in His earthly ministry. how many times have we broken His heart, in His name, even?
it's time to make a change. God is raising up a new generation of hard-core, take-no-prisoners believers. and He will do this with or without our help. God doesn't need anything we can offer. He has everything at His disposal. but it is our duty, our obligation, to join Him in this. we are commanded to 'make disciples of all nations.' this isn't called the Great Suggestion, or the Great Idea If You Can Get Around To It... it's the Great Commission. it is a direct order from the throne of the King of the universe to each one of us. we have a job to do, but how are we doing it? are we even getting it done at all?
God is love. but are we? do we exhibit that love on a daily basis? can people tell from miles away that we are walking with Jesus? do we show it in our talk, our actions, our RE-actions? do people see Jesus when they look at us? shouldn't they? it's time for us to step it up, and stop living like the world owes us something. we have possession of the single greatest truth in the history of the universe. why would we not want to share it with everyone we meet? are we afraid they won't like us? are we afraid to hurt their feelings? they KILLED Jesus. of course they're not going to like us. we WILL hurt their feelings. the Word of God is offensive. it forces people to see themselves in the light of a holy God. and none of us can stand in that light, innocent. we are all sinners, doomed to death, and Hell. there, i said it... but the beauty of it is God's grace. it covers our sin. we no longer have to live in defeat, in fear. we are victorious; more than conquerors. that truth alone should set us free to give our lives to God's service. to share the Love that has so graciously saved us. we shouldn't worry about offending people or hurting their feelings. the Spirit of God will be the one doing that, not us. we are just to present the truth to them in a loving, godly way, and then follow through with what it calls us to. we must live a life of love. no one is coming to Christ through our hypocrisy. of course God will still love us and still use us even in our mistakes, but it makes it really hard on the people He is trying to reach. we need to get out of His way. He can take care of them just as well as He takes care of us.
that's not to say we should forget about them in their needs. We are His hands and His feet. We are the continuation of Christ's ministry on Earth. we must love as He loves, and give as He gives. we must live as He lives. it is a sacrifice. otherwise Jesus wouldn't have said 'take up your cross and follow me.' he would have said something like, 'get in your comfy new SUV and follow your GPS to where you think i want you to be.' but He was very explicit in His directions. and He lived it out as well. not only do we have the written instructions from His mouth, but we have a living example. he showed us how to live., but how many of us are really living it?
to be continued...
Friday, October 2, 2009
Revelation: 05.23.09 & 05.27.09
How small we are, and unworthy to stand before a holy God. I am totally and completely overwhelmed by the holiness surrounding me. Never before have I experienced so strongly the awesome presence of the Father. I cannot control myself, nor do I want to. Tears come easier to me than breathing. Realizing who I am and how utterly insignificant all my life and its complications really are has floored me. My eyes, spiritually speaking, have seen the glory of the Lord, and I am awestruck. My feeble attempts at putting this into words fall so short of anything that could remotely do it any justice. I try to cope the only way I know how; by crying out with my voice and my spirit to the God of all creation. "O praise Him. O praise Him. He is holy. He is holy."* Incomprehensible, this state I find myself in... and how true is that statement. For in all honestly, I truly am finding myself. finding the freedom that each one of us was meant to live out. The freedom that we are all called to respond to and receive. Not by our own merit or worth, for nothing we could ever hope to do would be worthy of receiving such a precious thing. The only way is to accept it as the free gift of a loving Father, who so selflessly gave us all the best He had to offer, and still continuously pours this love out on all of us. The challenge is, what are we going to do with it in return? Should we hoard it all for ourselves, hoping that God will pour out more for us, or that He has so much to spare that we don't need to share...? By no means, the only way to experience the fullness of this love is to share it with others. Those you love, obviously, but even the ones you don't love. We are to take this love to the extreme that we give it away freely even to those who hate us... This love covers a multitude of sins, and the essence of sin is selfishness. Basically, if we focus only on our selves, that is all we will ever have. But God has called us to love everyone, especially those who don't deserve it. Because, we are ultimately that person, and God has given us His love. It's the least we could do, and it's the most we can do... I have come to realize how the Lord loves me perfectly. This love is overwhelming, and mind-blowing, far above and beyond my limited imagination... Such simple words can be so profound. O praise Him; He is holy. Such a simple truth, but the weight of such a statement has forever changed my way of thinking, my attitude, and my worship. I can only respond with tears. My senses simply cannot contain, comprehend, or accurately express any of this. And I know this is only the beginning. I pray that God speaks through these words, that whoever reads them will be blessed in the same way that He has blessed me. Remember, love is an action; not a feeling... Let us really absorb this fact and apply it to our daily lives, that in everything we say and do, we may reflect God's love to everyone in our lives... Thank you, and God bless.
* "O Praise Him" by David Crowder
* "O Praise Him" by David Crowder
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