Everything Glorious: His More-Than-Enough Grace

every time i afford myself the opportunity to draw near the Father, He never fails to amaze me; to overwhelm me with His perfect love. recently i led worship in a service; a place i felt unqualified, even unworthy, to serve. but i have made an unspoken promise to take every opportunity God gives me, no matter how scary it may seem. i've told several people of this 'unspoken' promise, so i guess it's not really unspoken except in the regard that i haven't yet told myself...

so, in this particular service, i got the invitation, and i knew before i opened the email what it would say. but i opened it anyway, and felt my stomach sink. a sudden anxiousness struck me as i began feeling the pressure of such a task. i began to doubt if i was able to do it. i began to question whether i was worthy of leading God's people in such a manner. i began to fear their expectations. i began to listen to the voice that said it was too big, too much for me to handle. and rightly so, because it WAS too big for me to handle. it was a HUGE burden. i mean, these were the people who lead ME, and now i was charged with leading them. all of this happened within the course of a few minutes. i went from obliviously going through my day, riding on the word of encouragement i had received the day before, to full-on burdened, to honored and excited within moments.

to clarify, this was a monday morning. the previous sunday, i went to thank our associate pastor for a great, very moving sermon. but he stopped me in my tracks by saying that 'God's hand is upon you. you have everything you need to do what He wants you to do. you have already been blessed, but He is only getting started. He is going to continue blessing you. you will have a huge impact on multitudes of people. He is using you to make a difference for Him. He is expanding your territory of influence. BUT you must keep chasing Him. keep the fire alive. don't let it die, but rather feed it and let it grow.' i was nearly floored at hearing this. after all, i went to encourage him, and was abundantly blessed in the process. i told him that i had been feeling this calling for a while, that everything he said made sense, but that i also felt overwhelmed, that it was too much for me. his response was 'you can do all things through Christ who gives you strength.' that was enough to shut up the doubts in my mind... at least until the next morning. (Philippians 4:13)

so, as i read the invitation that i was so afraid of opening, i remembered the verse the pastor quoted me. i was immediately flooded with a peace that didn't make any sense; with a joy at facing the upcoming service. it instantly went from obstacle to opportunity. and i couldn't wait for friday evening to get here.

friday finally rolled around, and not without opposition. i still didn't feel ready, but i had prepared. i had given my best effort to get ready. i had polished my armor. we had trouble with the sound system, and ended up starting about 45 minutes late. but that didn't bother me. God's peace was with me. so, i nervously and awkwardly tried to shut out the environment and the very people i was ministering to, in order to return my focus to the moment the songs were written. to that place of intimate worship, and complete vulnerability. only them would i be able to get past the 'performance' and into the heart of the Father. and these were God's people. they deserved nothing less. God deserved nothing less... in order to fully minister the way He called me to, i had to put myself aside, and embrace my nakedness. i was completely vulnerable in this place, bearing my heart and soul before God and everybody. and so it went.

i didn't realize until a few days later the impact that friday had on me. and it came, as usual, through someone else. i was not at all pleased with my playing of the 3rd song, especially since it was the one i was most familiar with. as a musician and a perfectionist, i was of the assumption that everyone else would be aware of all my mistakes, and quick as i was to criticize them. but it surprised me not to be the case. perhaps i had connected well enough that my screw-ups were irrelevant. and this, really, is the point that i think i was to learn. the crux of God's sermon to me...

despite my preparation, my training, etc., there were mistakes. unavoidable detours in 'my plan' of carrying out God's work. i am humbled in this for realizing i had tried to assume every responsibility. it was as though i had said to God, 'ok, this is what You want me to do. i can handle it from here.' i handled it well enough, but it wasn't perfect. it wasn't complete. but God used me, nonetheless. God was speaking through me, and to me. i really could do this through His strength. and despite my mistakes and failures, He used what i offered Him to bless others and myself, and ultimately, to bring Him glory. he took my broken, incomplete offering, and turned it into something beautiful. it really brought to life 2 Corinthians 12:9, which says 'My grace is sufficient for thee.' i never really understood that verse until now. but the rest of the passage adds to the power and relevance of verse 9. i've attached it below... in essence, it says: i am imperfect, but You are perfection. Your grace is more than enough to fill in the gaps of my flawed attempts. it is everything i need. You are everything i need. for me to act in, and even boast in my flaws, my brokenness, is for You to be revealed in abundance. it is when i reach the end of myself that i find You are only beginning. You know my faults, and You still love me all the more. my weakness won't keep me from Your love. You WILL love me, whether i deserve it or not. You ARE love. and in this love is where You desire for me to live. i will boast in my weakness, if only to show You off. when i can't do it, You can. when i step out of the way, You can truly shine... You are here, in You i find life and peace. when i get lost, let it be in You.

i could go on and on, but i will end it here. thank you for reading. be encouraged. be blessed. be overwhelmed by the love of the Father. His grace is more than enough. God bless.

2 Corinthians 12:1-13 - Paul's Vision and His Thorn
I must go on boasting. Although there is nothing to be gained, I will go on to visions and revelations from the Lord. I know a man in Christ who fourteen years ago was caught up to the third heaven. Whether it was in the body or out of the body I do not know—God knows. And I know that this man—whether in the body or apart from the body I do not know, but God knows— was caught up to paradise. He heard inexpressible things, things that man is not permitted to tell. I will boast about a man like that, but I will not boast about myself, except about my weaknesses. Even if I should choose to boast, I would not be a fool, because I would be speaking the truth. But I refrain, so no one will think more of me than is warranted by what I do or say.

To keep me from becoming conceited because of these surpassingly great revelations, there was given me a thorn in my flesh, a messenger of Satan, to torment me. Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.
Paul's Concern for the Corinthians
I have made a fool of myself, but you drove me to it. I ought to have been commended by you, for I am not in the least inferior to the "super-apostles," even though I am nothing. The things that mark an apostle—signs, wonders and miracles—were done among you with great perseverance. How were you inferior to the other churches, except that I was never a burden to you? Forgive me this wrong!